Treating Addiction and Preventing Chronic Illness | Britten Devereux

you're listening to answers for the family with an Cardozo right here on la talk radio welcome to another edition answers family I'm your guest host Gabriella fuck sorry for tickle every month eleven eight noon PST I'm your special guest and inspired I'm so sorry the echo is really buff I'll try to talk over it this show has special guests that it can inspire educate and entertain while bringing answers and options to life today and in are constantly changing future answers for the family will address issues such as locating your runaway teen Family Crisis Intervention building self-esteem dealing with addiction optimizing our life experience and so much more as I am sure many of you expected to hear Alan's voice this morning and this will remind us of the reality of his work and what he does when he's not on air as a licensed private investigator and crisis interventionist he gets calls and has to respond quickly be it locating a runaway escorting a team to a specialized program or retrieving an abducted abducted child and of course I wish him a swift success in whatever he's responding to today so I'm glad to be here with you though and I'm glad to introduce your guest but before I introduce her I just want to say because Alan does this all the time so it's funny to do it in my own voice is where is Gabriela today and because I am gabriela this is absolutely nuts to do this but I am in Palm Desert and the world tour with the dare to be kind movement has continued and for those of you who don't know me I am the founder of the dare to be kind movement and there is basically one thing we hope to accomplish one thing and that is that everyone that listens to us that in a two mile radius you go out there and be kind to anyone else another person a stranger yourself it could be anyone that is what is important to us that's what the movement is about and we don't need to travel everywhere in the world to spread kindness we really believe in one moment one person one kindness is all it takes to help any other human being you go from negative space to a positive place now I would love to introduce to you our guest for this show and her name is Britton Deveraux she's been on this show she's also been the co-host she's a health care administrator and a writer managing six addiction and mental health facilities Wow that's no small feat Britton she noticed the big gap in clinical services for addiction this led her to opening a second company space before change while she continues her work as a CEO of d'amore health care Britton is creating more ways for life-saving services to be delivered she we vitalizes some of the industry's old and the meaning ways of getting things done by studying outcomes and then raising the bar spending time writing the material and training others in this practical guide to resolve cravings triggers an emotional fractured more people are receiving the care they need space before change is a coaching and counseling membership for fear and addiction a confidential supportive online course to improve mood cognitive cock cognition and behavior Center on the Keystone habit called my 42 participants engaged the repair cycle different than costly care by appointment this program raises self-awareness self-respect self-regulation Britain states mental health is the access point to intimacy individual resilience family cohesion marketplace innovation and chronic disease prevention primary goals are to reduce rehospitalization rates reintroduced dignity into health care services and improve public health Britain welcome welcome to the show and there's no name there is great to be with you Gabriela thank you there is something that you just said that I just said about you and that is dignity and I'm so glad that we're actually starting off with that word because I just spent time in hospice care with a friend who passed and dignity is very big in what you do isn't it I just wanna before we start any questions what does that mean to you dignity for someone all these things that I just made great question when you think of health care so often people think about having their needs met or they don't they think of frustration and systems and hitting barriers and the center stone of having dignity in health care is looking at the fact that this individual chose to have their needs met by this provider over all the other options right we have a competitive marketplace and so this provider must be lifting up the individuals value word dignity and when I think of that it looks like knowing their history remembering or at least taking time to review the chart taking care of the details and making sure that customer service is at the highest level so making sure that they're a person with a name instead of just a records right absolutely so often in the space in healthcare that I serve in mental health and addiction services patients feel like a medical record number they feel like they're kind of waved in and told where to sit or where to sleep and told when to eat but they don't necessarily feel like an individual and what I have created in space before change and what we do at do more in healthcare is making sure that we mine a space that we look at the individual strengths needs abilities preferences and goals and mine all of that information to create a space for them to heal and that's with dignity as the center stone absolutely so we hear all over the place always that they're not enough services for people with addiction so what services are currently available well Gabriella individuals can go to a 30 to 90 day hospital or rehabilitation center for services and that'd be addiction services or mental health services they can go to outpatient treatment or a counseling office but honestly not everybody can afford services through commercial insurance or Medicaid and not everybody likes those options driving there every day or moving into a facility for a couple months so with Facebook for change I created easy to access low-cost platform for treatment and that's not just treatment of say anxiety or what people would think of as sadness or emotional fractures I've put a larger banner over it let's treat fear and let's treat addiction and if there's more to it than that we'll link you to the correct services but what our services at space or for change do is really help a person grow in self-awareness so they know what they need what what does fear have to do with the part of the addiction I I know it's big but I'm not quite aware how important the fear part is tell me so fear is is the antagonist in the story addiction is not something that anyone plans for or opt-in for if you think about it fear thrives it fears related to trauma change booths people performance fears related to loss to grief an addiction is the dependence on a drug to numb or discharge that fear and at space before change we call it drug yes or a substance that generates temporary relief but increased suffering for example in the absence of a process like gambling a person may have rage or sadness they most certainly have fear but they don't always call it that we fear anything that's unfamiliar or unpredictable so when we get into a habit it's very difficult to get out of it without a guide and so that's what I created with Facebook for change is a practical guide to treat fear in addiction in the withdrawal of gaming or screens you and I both know how important screens are in our lives and in the lives of the 21st century adult nevertheless how they're becoming a platform for academics for the adolescent so in withdrawal of gaming or gambling or screens or substance a person may have increased anxiety or they may cross a dick to a substance and that's important because so often we think that whatever the person's way of coping today will be their way of coping tomorrow but once we've created one maladaptive coping mechanism we tend to create another unless we grow in self-awareness and that's what we do at space before change and that's the kind of an add-on go ahead sorry is that what you just mentioned this cross a dict yes cross addiction is more frequent and people probably realize in the sense that we don't usually just choose one substance or one habit usually that one substance so that one habit creates more fear increase more addiction which leads to other substances or other habits to create more fear more mental illness more emotional fractures more addiction I didn't know that that is actually quite interesting so from one like a snowball so yeah I was just gonna say it just snowballs into other things actually but I have another question about so I understand the fear better now is is how do you really how does someone that from outside looks like they have an okay life I'm not gonna say picture-perfect because nobody has a picture do you know what I mean it's okay I give seems to be functioning I'm gonna be very careful okay I kind of say it but you know what I mean right so how do we I do there because you know we'd love to help people and so I think anyone listening to the show is listening because we are affected by it so how does that person go from an okay life to the addiction besides the fear that I do really understand what you're saying but is there something that the person a family member a friend could see are there signs is there something before it gets out of hand before your loan addiction that we could do something about I want to address the question but I also want to address the heart that I sense behind the question the heart that I sense behind your question is you see individuals in our society and maybe individuals even in your own sphere of influence just like me that have been impacted and when I think about that question because I receive that question frequently it's so common that we want to do something for the individual but before I answer the actual question I want to point out that it's only the individual that can help themselves address fear addiction emotional fractures mental illness well there has to be something within them that is tired of this normal and when I say this normal the familiar predictable day-to-day they have to be ready to say I quit this normal I quit this normal and that's been the beginning of the new chapter that's been the beginning of spring time where things start to bloom and grow and and all those seeds planted from years past on good and healthy habits start to take away but the to answer your question directly there are science absolutely right so when I think of my own space before recovery from depression and addiction or the space for patients that I treat or the patients that our companies treat or even individuals that I meet in society the signs are typically something that are very obvious but we do want to dismiss it say less eye contact less time spent with you less quality time spent with you the inability to follow through on commitments the inability to take ownership of decisions that they've made for themselves or that others have been involved in perpetuating sadness anxiety lingering if you look at somebody mood you see changes in that mood from what was once normal to them or comfortable for you and now this individual seems like quote/unquote somebody else the idea is that those signs are typically there but we don't want to acknowledge them because we don't want it to be true that somebody could be this impacted by mental health right and you think about mental health it's on a spectrum so over all the way to your left you have somebody that severely impacted by mental illness and all the way over on your right you have somebody that's living a full life that's in full repair and using all seven threads of repair enjoying relationship enjoying fun and pleasure and challenging themselves and somewhere on that continuum are the individuals that you and I picture today that want support but don't have the self-awareness to know what kind of support they need yeah they don't have that awareness and what what do you do though do you I think convincing is never good like you say they have to make the decision themselves but knowing that they can pick up the phone and call a organization like yourself space before change is maybe all we need to do is to give them that up what's bass afford change does is it helps individuals increase in their awareness but when you think about what should we do one of the first and most important things that an individual can do when they see that somebody around them is suffering you start to create boundaries the boundaries of what you will do and what you won't do to help them heal because boundaries are basically about structure and structure is essential in the human life if you think about raising a little one or even breathing a puppy everybody needs structure and the more we tend to repel from it the more we tend to push back on it the more something inside is really hurting in that pointing to the fear well you just talked about repair and I would love to know a little bit more the difference between repair and recovery so very similar concepts except for repair looks at the whole person so it's an integrated approach to recovery to wellness into healthcare and so it's faithful for change we look at repair as the mindfulness and the human connection that prides us to respond to the body's built-in feedback so you and I both know feedback that our body gives us and sometimes we listen to it and sometimes we don't the more we listen to it the more we tend to stay in constant repair so many times addiction starts with us turning off that feedback and sometimes we turn the feedback off because we thought that strong people or great people don't tend to feel their feelings they cover them but this goes back to defenses learned over time Gabriela so when you think back to childhood depending on what was modeled to us emotions might represent weakness to an individual who did not grow up in an environment endorsing vulnerability so repair looks like the process of understanding the complexity of being a person being a human being there's nobody that's not messy that's the reality whether you're at face before change via morning healthcare at an outpatient counseling office there's nobody that is simple as much as we might try self-identifying like that there's a reason why we're not simple we're meant to be interdependent so it goes back to the boundaries we were talking about before we were meant to have some sense of relationship with one another and that fosters more repair happiness and resilience connect directly to loving oneself to being known to being loved and there we are back at relationship again and it has to be in that order there are seven threads of repair as I was mentioning its base before change in this grounds a person to acknowledge and to meet the needs of repair and maybe even to appreciate their needs so to your question earlier when you think about the individuals or I think about the individuals in my life their needs are one of the most scary concepts facing them today needs are some things that are normal to every human being but when needs look like something that are taxing or vulnerable in the sense that it separates you from others rather than creating an interdependent it does create more fear and possibly more addiction so when you think about the mindfulness breaks and the education that people find that base before change participants are able to address unpleasant or traumatic events and they're able to increase their self-care and this is all that repair well I'm really thinking about this and I know and I read in your material that you talk about cues rewards cravings and triggers and I wonder just because I'm very very interested in triggers because it can make the person blow up right is there an example of a trigger I know this is difficult to actually answer but is there an example or an analogy that you can give us where we would know that the person in front of us who's who's dealing with addiction and mental health is actually acting out a trigger and that great question you need to kind of step back and not make it about us well if you think about it you have triggers I have triggers we all do and for somebody suffering from addiction or mental illness or in a state of chronic fear and impending doom there are triggers that create impulsivity right we react immediately to it so when you see impulsivity in an individual that tends to point to that there's something else underneath there again bringing us back to fear so what would be an example of a trigger it could be anything it might be money trigger could be seeing the old boyfriend or girlfriend a trigger could be the car that an individual drove the last time but they used methamphetamines or the last time that they drank alcohol while driving a trigger could be the way that their supervisor or their co-worker talks to them or looks at them a trigger could be the place that they work so the trigger points to that cycle of two routine and reward and if we look at it depending on the situation depending on the individuals needs depending on what they're going through at this time we can identify ways to create an enjoyable and authentic reward rather than a trigger that leads to impulsivity in danger and I have a question about so many good it's it's such a beautiful topic is you know I just want to address for a second just because we don't say it a lot is the word chain there is such shame to admit to a friend or a family member that we need help in mental health but we can do it by ourselves it kind of makes us feel weak like you said earlier you know if you don't come from lovey dovey family where you just all their own go-getters and you just happen not to be that go-getter right and you do need all the superachievers around you and it makes you feel really you weak and ashamed is is there a way that we can address the shame without having to and and I say this with with with big care without having to box them in into the category of mental health because that's also a box sometimes right it's a great question and it's kind of like looking in through the window at fear and addiction when you talk about shame so so so many times it's just that we don't know what to do with shame it's not that it doesn't occur in every human being it's that we don't know what to do with it and do more in health care our inpatient mental health company and in it Faceman for change we talk about this concept of walking shame to the door in other words I acknowledge you shame I see you I hear what you say but today I don't acknowledge it as something that I needed my life to make me more whole so we walk shame to the door and the only way we can do it is what we talked about earlier self awareness the hold that shame talking that's not dignity talking and so when we hear that and we can distinguish between the two we can do something about it Gabriela and that's where really life they can start living life and we can do what we talked about it at Facebook for change we can develop the habits that we were born to love but shame is something that a lot of folks are talking about in the marketplace I love brené Brown she talks about the difference of shame having this idea of I'm worthy of love versus the fact that I'm worthy of love but I don't know how to have the boundaries and the structure and the self forgiveness in my life to have love for myself and others and there's so many ways we can distinguish it but untreated shame does lead to increased fear addiction emotional fractures triggers crave it all of that I I love how you explain that I I just I'm such a visual person Britain when I heard you say take your shame to the door ring mm-hmm I think that means I just wanna repeat in case someone didn't any situation you can do it all by yourself I think I would take you by your own hands and walk your shame to the door that that is Wow and if we don't do that then it leads to guilt it's it leads to this sense of I don't belong I am wrong there's no place for me and there's a real difference in there where we don't have an adaptive understanding of shame and guilt where guilt often times I did do something wrong but I can make it right shame is telling me I'm no longer right and I'm gonna hang around and keep reminding you of that like a cactus pricking your skin going deeper and deeper so yes to your point absolutely we walk chained to the door and we let it know thank you thank you for the feedback thank you for the message I'm going to acknowledge Who I am and what I need at this moment before the break ok here goes my daughter wasn't in a treatment program last year and it was very successful in helping her with alcohol addiction but in its place she has a brewery she is bringing her head her head her phone and computer whenever she's not at school we also believe she may not be engaging with friends as before I read your comment about the screams and was hoping you might explain a little bit more about how we may be dealing with her this name of this person that is asking you depression is Doris from New York Doris thank you so I will first say that if addiction treatment doesn't address our screen habit we need to think twice about recovery and repair in other words what steps have been addressed and has the whole person been addressed because screens tend to lead to more dysregulation if we're not sure how to include them in our lives responsibly and since it's a great question doors because so often something that's working well for us we think we need more of it screens good so I need a laptop I need SmartWatch I need the smartphone I need the iPad and need the TV I need the PC computer I need to go to the movie theater that's right because there's something that we're getting that's good out of it and we tend to do more of whatever that was so no fault to your daughter she's getting some benefit out of her screen but the important thing for us to look at right now interpro Penh City to relapse or to move into a different type of mental illness after alcoholism is very high if we don't address the screen stress and the chronic stress because those are a match to a dry field for anybody predisposed or facing addiction or alcoholism and managing screen time it will reduce mental and physical and emotional strain but the the tough part is how do we manage screen time and it's different for everybody Doris it's not the same for me as it is for you as it is for your daughter as it is for Gabriela or any of our other listeners but if we address it it will pave the way for creating the habits that were born to love and the relationship that we need so when you think about the times that you're with your daughter and you see her facing that phone I want you to acknowledge that there's some fear and play and some fear that she's not able to talk about right now and when she gets ready to talk about it she's going to have a deeper sense of what her needs are and those needs being relative to all the seven threads of repair they talk about it's base before change we're not just simple human beings that need one habit just to go to AAA every day or just to take a medicine every day we're complex we're messy and so we need that complex approach to health care and what that looks like is increased awareness Relais relative to repair I will say space before change trains people of all ages on the prevention and intervention related to screen stress chronic stress related to screens or to our American lifestyle and related to just internet addiction and that addiction that comes from I get immediate stimuli an immediate reward when I'm on social media when I'm on email when I'm on text and we have to address that otherwise it creates more impulsive habits and more irrational thought process and that leads to less empathy toward self and towards others so then relationships degrade so we're I hope that helps Doris in New York and we're gonna take a short break and we'll be right back everyone founded over 30 years ago to meet the needs of families in crisis West shield has continually focused on resolving issues that negatively impact families and businesses our signature therapeutic transportation service helps to ensure that adolescents in crisis are safely transported to specialized school programs and treatment centers with unsurpassed experience and success we are supported by our full-service license investigation agency that is legally professionally and compassionately located hundreds of Runaways and team we are experienced and qualified to help offering solutions which may include referrals to our international network of top professionals in the fields of educational consulting psychology psychiatry and investigations simply put West Shield adolescent services and West shield investigations are the best solutions when your family is facing a personal crisis call one eight hundred eighty nine eight five eight five 24 hours a day seven days a week that's hi everyone and if you're just tuning in our guest today is Britton Deveraux and we're talking about addiction mental health I have so many questions to ask you but one of the ones that I really want to get in Britain is I want to get in a little bit about your program so could you tell me that once a person signs up and becomes a member of your organization what happens next what is it a little bit that they could expect I think that's kind of important to know you're right absolutely so clients receive course Chris curriculum two times two five times per week depending on the package that they select and the idea is to give them the power they decide what frequency they want to start learning about and engaging repair because not everybody is going to thrive in the inpatient environment or the outpatient counseling office or at Facebook for change we have to figure out what makes sense for this person based on lots of factors so back to your question once they sign up we work on increasing that self awareness through two to five days a week of the curriculum that we release it comes through the member portal and through their email we provide prompt the middle little ways to stay engaged and it helps individuals learn to respond to the emotional physical and spiritual feedback that their body provides them and so then they start to sort of normalize that rather than believing that they're constantly in the cute crisis at space before change our program introduces this idea called my 42 and my 42 suggests that if we eliminate 21 minutes of screen time and add 21 minutes of repair that we will actually create 21 plus minutes of human connection it sounds simple just 42 minutes it sounds really simple it sounds really easy but it's actually a big leap of faith for anybody that's going to create a new habit especially an individual that had only been accustomed to thought processes related to recovery this is really going to integrate that whole and to create a habit we need to do that we need to integrate those ideas around cue routine and reward and so the curriculum addresses that across the six months to the 12 months so if a person wants more they can stick around for more and continue to receive the curriculum and eventually will have it available in an application smartphone app but really the idea at this point is just to get individuals to print it out to interact with the curriculum during the day and to start to have a sense of what is repair and how come I don't know about this thing shouldn't I know about this from being a little person into an adult or we don't we don't know about it and so fear an addiction run rampant and so space before change creates these habits so all we have to do is do one thing different just one time and that's the beginning of a new habit the habit that we're born to love and how do you break the habit any so it picks yeah it takes one simple step doing something different one it's just getting out of what simillar just even I'm just gonna go silly here for a second but most people grab coffee in the morning so let's say you instead this is easy to say in California of course but you open the patio doors and you step outside and you just go hello world for example I'm absolutely in the Midwest where it's minus 20 but I mean is that wherever you are or is that too silly or is it that easy no it's that easy it's that idea of being conscious and present wherever you are and when we do that we can create any habit that we want anything and all it takes is doing that new thing one time in acknowledging the uncomfortability in the unpredictability and in the unfamiliar and if we can acknowledge that let that come up and go through then we start to have more self trust more self-respect and self-care starts to flourish in our lives we overthink everything don't we Britain we do we do and put me at the top of the list on that one because I suffered for years because of overthinking over analyzing and it has created a paralysis and we don't have to do that that's the nice thing about having so many resources in the United States to face the the overdoses and the suicides that are facing America when you think about 70,000 Americans died from drug overdose in 2017 that numbers not going down Gabriela we've got a real problem I can't overanalyze it we have to keep it simple absolutely I hear the word self-awareness all the time since since you started it and everything about it and you know I got to be really honest about that the word sometimes is a bit new-agey and but it is important to develop it is something we need to learn could you enlighten us a little bit why for all of them just sure the self-awareness can be a problem it's the only thing we're thinking about looking at it us then that becomes self-centeredness then that becomes an ego centric perspective to the world so we don't want a self-awareness that just is focused on us but we do want a sense of it so we can understand what interdependence means this idea of yes I'm an autonomous person from you but there's things that I can learn from you and maybe vice versa and when we have that self-awareness that idea of who we are and maybe that idea of where we're going we tend to have more self trust and we tend to have some type of habits related to self-care but self-awareness looks like the different threads of repair so we talk about values spirituality we talk about biology and chemistry security and environment love and belonging achievement we talk about self-efficacy the ability to problem-solve through life's unexpected events and we talk about healthcare resources like speak or change or your primary care physician or your psychiatrist or whomever an individual relies on self-awareness helped us know when to push the button for which which area of repair so rather than just focusing on ourselves as the center of the show as the protagonist as the hero as the individual that maybe is incapable of walking shame to the door or incapable of facing fear or addiction if we don't move from one side of the continuum to the other with self-awareness where it's all about me no it's all about you if we find some space in the gray area in the middle we start to utilize and rely on repair and that's what we introduce individuals to it's based or for change in their six to 12-month membership and I wanted to ask one more thing about the self-awareness I have a I have many friends but one in particular that comes to mind who's struggling really first of all he's an absolute sweetheart because he's actually so open about his troubles which isn't for everyone and it really helps him to explain that he's not the drugs that he's taking but that sometimes the concoctions of different things is just too difficult for him to handle and my question here is with the self-awareness do they then also learn to actually be able to tell a doctor hey this medicine just really doesn't feel good for my body and is that listened to in the space before changed because I think that for most when they go to a hospital or another normal kind of setting not the space before change that they aren't listen to that that they're almost not valued that they say that nothing keeps on prescribing yeah when I think about a person's healthcare journey I think about the fact that so often mindfulness or consciousness or being present is not necessarily the first thing that the provider recommends but this provider me as a clinician that is the first thing I recommend it's the first that works because if we are conscious and mindful we start to learn more about what's going on with that feed feedback in our body and then we start to learn that it's reliable to listen to so thinking about this gentleman that you mentioned or maybe even his providers in his life currently or in the past my interest would be what kind of questions are they asking him and how are they creating space for his answers because sometimes as the provider were so quick to rush on to the next question that we didn't even see his face in his nonverbal gestures in the pain and the anguish when he answered that first or second question and it's our dog it's our ethical and human need to listen to one another at more than one level and I even say in in our companies it's our need to understand and listen to what they're not saying so we can know what's going on under the surface because what they're not saying has a extremely important thread to the story of repair and so often it's fear that keeps us from saying outright this is what I think's going on and this is what I need for example the individual that think I'm drinking more and more every day I'm retreating and isolating away from people I think I need help but I don't want to say it out loud because then it's going to be too real yeah that's more common than not and so when I think about the work that I'm doing in health care it is my goal it is my life's work to change the landscape of psychiatry and by doing that I know that we need to listen to patients rather than react to them yeah I think absolutely it's about listening and and that's why I'm so proud of this friend um because he's actually using the Facebook medium as as a platform to openly let people know his struggles and I think he has actually single-handedly shown us that there is nothing as nothing to be afraid of about mental illness or addiction amen is Amen it becomes the thing that opens us up to deeper and more meaningful relationships if we start listening to that subtle and quiet feedback that gets more and more of a boy I will just give you the example that he put up I think two weeks ago he said that he couldn't have sexual relationships because he received so many drugs that his body couldn't do it and then you know he was hoping that when the next time he saw his his doctor or the clinician or I don't know how you call them that are within those clinics that he was able to tell them that he would like to have normal sexual relationships with his girlfriend and thus have also dad working and not be so drugged up that his body couldn't do it and the outpour back to him was enormous and and all of us do it and you know very well that none of us dare to to be vulnerable and say any of this you know and he is like I said encouraging a platform where where some people judge him but he's now with a group of people I would say that are all just literally rooting for him they're part of he's probably surrounding himself with more people that have empathy rather than people that are desensitized and that's one of the beginnings of repair so good for him and good for him for his honesty and willingness to be present as a whole person and not somebody that is trying to to resolve a concern or an illness with just one one mechanism it takes it takes several layers and the more we apply those layers as a habit the more those habits become the things that we love and the things that rescue us from fear and from addiction beautiful thank you for saying that I'm gonna have him listen to you we have one more question someone and this is the question my best friend had a car accident a couple of years ago which resulted in the back injury although she's much better I feel she may have developed an addiction to her pain medication she hasn't been open to seeing a local counselor but may be open to service online can you give me an approach that would encourage her to be receptive to a program like yours Kathy in LA hey Kathy well I would say the first thing is the fact that you are aware of what's going on with your friend and as another human being thank you for being present for her because sometimes it's very hard for us to be present for ourselves when we're not around individuals like you so kudos to you for that type of friendship that you're providing her because I bet you that your example of self-awareness and compassion is a tremendous example to her and recovering from this potential opioid dependence so I would say it would start with a question and that question would be relative to something that you know is a pain point in her life if the pain point in her life is her job or her livelihood or her relationship with her partner or you know her pain point is where she's living out ask her an open-ended question about how that's going and see if she's willing to open up and have a discussion with you about where she's at because so often we know we think we know best we think we we can see it so clearly and usually if we take time to mine more open-ended questions more questions where we actually are the learner and the listener not the person that's presuming information that person can start to feel the empathy they start to grow in more trust and then if ever there comes a day where she asks for your recommendation or your ideas provide her with provider with options provide her with ideas provide her with more than one that's one thing that as a clinician I make sure we do at both companies is it always has to be bound with invitations and options repair or healthcare it can't be there's one size fits all or there's only one way to first of all what you're doing being present for her keep doing it and just be present as a listener and she's gonna have stronger self discovery and self awareness the longer you hang in with her but remember have your boundaries if you find yourself more text after hanging out with her make sure you're filling up your cup with self-care before and after your visits with her because you're a whole person to really listen our show is almost at the end but we have a few more minutes and I would really really like you to tell everyone how they can reach you but how they can be part of the space before change or dumb or healthcare sure so thank you absolutely for the time today and for the questions it's been a pleasure and if anybody wants to learn more about a simple resource that's confidential that they can access repair online go to space before change comm just exactly as it sounds space before change comm there's membership options and keep in mind this is a coaching and a counseling membership as a licensed advanced drug and alcohol counselor it's my goal to make sure that individuals have several ways to access care because not everybody as we said earlier wants to go to see a therapist not everybody wants to go inpatient and so going on the space before change website reading about stress reading about drugs reading about repair helps us identify the fact that drugs are not just heroin Finchel and alcohol it looks like a lot more things in our lives it can look like food it can look like habit it can look like substances it can look like ideas that are disparaging to us but we're addicted to the thought process because it's so familiar so if you go on space before change and you look at us and you have questions there's the link to email me Brittain at Facebook for change comm you can also email the company at input space before change comm we want to make sure that people have more means to receive the care that they need and this is one giant step forward for the marketplace because not everybody is going to be able to take 30 days off from work and go to treatment and not everybody is willing to drive to counseling two nights a week so we've created this to make it a more pliable and approachable mechanism to healing and quite honestly I'm so excited about what it's doing for the marketplace and for individuals it's really been an honor thank you so much Britain for doing what you do and everyone out there you listeners please tune in for next Monday when we will be joined by Kelly Galindo to discuss her new book 26 seconds a film on the horrors of sex trafficking across the world and in the meantime if you want to do is there a huge favor go to our archives and post on your social media I know screen time but please post on your social media a segment of answers for the family thank you very much everyone and spread the word do listening to answers for the family win Elin Cardozo right here on la talk radio you

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