The Diet, Season 1 Promo Parody of The Bachelor


On this season of, The Diet… I’m Michelle. I’m a mom of two. It’s time to get my pre-mom body back. Okay, today’s the day to meet all the diets. I’m ready! Here they come. It’s, uh, an exciting journey. And, I’m really looking forward to meeting the diets. Michelle! I could eat this right now? Uh, well, let’s go ahead and measure. Michelle is the type of woman who knows what she wants. A life without meat. Happy to finally “meat” you! Hi! Oh my gosh! Yeah, Michelle is exactly what I’m looking for. I mean, she’s a mom! She has a fantastic network of friends! Ya know, the show would be great for both of our downlines. LEEANN: Part of the blessing of this job, MICHELLE: Oh, a job? LEEANN: is you’re never going to have leave your kids again. Ever! My heart is finally ready. I had my last baby, six years ago. And I’m finally ready to let go of the extra weight. MICHELLE! [crash] [screams] Are you okay?! It was a test! A what?! Come on! Pain is only in the mind! As a mom of two, I have to say, he really should have been wearing a helmet. No dairy, no gluten, no sugar [inaudible grunting] There’s just so much misinformation about Paleo. I hope she can see past my beard and into my moderate to high fat intake dominated by monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats with balanced Omega 3 and 6 fats. We are going to do a healthy cooking class! Cheers! WEIGHT WATCHERS: White wine?! Four points! NUTRISYSTEM: These other diets can’t offer what I can. I’m pre-packaged! We have Marie Osmond! I just feel like I’m the best here to be honest with you. No one can touch that I cannot wait to introduce you to my family on our hometown. You’ll meet Fran, Sally Up, Uncle Rhabdo. If you can’t fight for her, you shouldn’t be here. No Stevia, no Splenda, no NutraSweet, no xylitol, Hey! Mind if I borrow her for a second please, thanks. Ya know, most people don’t understand that egg frittatas have a spirit. A spirit you just ate. This is what I call, a “chicken seed.” And it will enjoy the sunshine and will eat and be happy and [sound of egg crashing] WHOLE 30: There is such a thing as a healthy amount of carbs. KETO: You know what I do when I want a carb? I eat more avocado. LEEANN: Okay, but have you guys even tried these shakes yet? Okay? Consultants can earn up to $5,000 a month from home, in their yoga pants Yoga pants. I didn’t come here to make friends, okay? I came here to recruit new distributors. Hold mommy’s blender. Tell them how good it is. She’s not here for Michelle. She’s here for herself. But I’m nervous because Michelle really seems to like her. It’s not a “pyramid scheme.” It’s direct sales! Why? Which of the diets told you that? But I’m ready to fight! KETO: ‘cause you still get to eat like the good foods, spinach, arugula. It’s not like “starving yourself” starving yourself I don’t know. I’m just glad to be here. Keto and Michelle. We’re going to have babies and call them Keto Jr. and Keto… LEEANN: I’m just saying, you can’t bench me! That’s ridiculous! PLASTIC SURGEON: She’s not looking for satisfaction. She’s looking for gratification. There’s a difference. MICHELLE: I have a really good feeling that my diet is in this room! MARIE OSMOND! MARIE [bleep] OSMOND! [sighs] The energy in here is very negative. [dramatic music] Mediterranean Diet. MICHELLE: Will you accept this goal bikini? Fysiká! I’m sorry, what? It means “of course” in Mediterranean. Oh, okay. I got a goal bikini! HOST: Diets. Michelle. There’s only one goal bikini left. Good luck. Maybe I shouldn’t even be here. Can you turn that off?! [crying] [actual grown man crying over a broken egg] [DOORBELL] Pizza?! What are you doing here? Got a meat lovers. It’s your favorite. Get out of here, you murderer! Those are just a fad! Carbs and cheese are forever, baby! My heart is truly torn. But, I’m ready to give away my final goal bikini. Did you expect to have such strong feelings for more than one diet? I have strong feelings for more than just one diet. Is that a kale quinoa salad and a glass of merlot? It is. HOST: Which diet will Michelle choose? Or will she choose at all? See the dramatic conclusion this season on, The Diet.

7 Comments

  1. This. Is. Amazing! Every moment feels this way all the time.

  2. THIS IS HILARIOUS!!! I will share with my followers.

  3. It funny cause it true!!

  4. This is EPIC! And in such dynamic ways.

  5. This is so well done and funny!! I LOVE IT!!! ❤️❤️❤️

  6. The comedy in this was epic. Story of my life, especially with the pizza knocking on my door.

  7. Hilarious! How does this not have more views and comments! So Genius!

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