My Bodybuilding Eating Disorder Story

yo what's up everyone welcome to today's video now bit of a different video today this is gonna be a sick day and video and we're gonna be talking about something that I've honestly never spoken about before on this channel anywhere okay so the reason why I'm making this video is because right April in May it's like competing season okay and there's a lot of you know bodybuilding shows on especially in Ireland and the UK and a lot of people down in row gym or just a lot of people that I know have competed recent okay and I'm always like asking people how they're getting on you know how you find it and just this conversation I think it needs to be talked about more okay and only after a while when you really get talking people is then they kind of come out and say this and this is kind of like the dark side of fitness and it's something that people don't like to talk about and that is the topic of eating disorders unfitness I'm gonna tell you my whole story about my eating disorder in this video right so sit back relax give it a thumbs up and let's get into it so like I said people don't like talking about this topic and in particular men do not like talking back okay I've noticed that men in general which make up of a 60 to 70 percent of my audience they don't like talking about things that seem like their head of their control okay so stuff like eating disorders mental health depression and anxiety okay because we don't like to admit that our look I don't have this in control there's something wrong with me or they may think it's it's feminine to talk about it openly okay and I think that stigma just really needs to go you know I think we all need to look after our mental health just as much as our physical health okay and so people think it's like you know that they need to to man up and just toughen up and not talk about it and keep it on the inside and well I do agree to a certain extent that you know a lot of us do need to toughen up and life can be brutal there's nothing wrong we're just talking about and being open a real man says whatever he wants so you should put your hand up and say hey yo this is bothering me and I want to get it off my chest so maybe the whole kind of mental health and talking about a thing is a topic for another day comment down below if you'd like to hear me talk about thought and address all that but at today we're gonna be talking about my eating disorder story so this goes back alright this time three years ago as twenty three years old at the time and it was my first time ever competing if you go back at to all my old videos you can see me kind of prepping for the show and this was the early days of my youtube channel you know and my physique just came along since then but I was still just giving my first show ago three years ago I pretty much just gotten into YouTube and it was very early on in my whole career online okay so I was not nearly as confident back then as I am now putting my whole life online has just maybe is just made me a very confident person okay if there's people you know millions of people watching my life unfold online then you know it kind of really puts things into perspective okay so back then it was early days and you know I was competing and I was really nervous about it you know I've been dieting trying my best at the time and you know I was gonna be stepping on stage there's gonna be a lot of pressure on me as well and yeah like I said I was I was pretty damn nervous about it so I died a damn and again I was putting so much pressure on myself just for this single day okay and in my mind I was just like okay this is a day this today afterwards to die downs okay and that's a key aspect that we're gonna talk about later I got you know pretty lean not that lean at all and I wouldn't say I was like really conditioned or anything but either way I did the show anyways and I did really bad okay I like didn't even place you've been dying for ages you're placing so much focus on this and then we just don't get result you're pretty sad after it's okay like again I was being optimistic I was like oh it's my first time competing you know I gave it a shot it's a new experience there's a new thing but you know you are always left pretty disheartened afterwards but then the weirdest thing happened okay I was placing such focus on my diet afterwards okay that night right I literally I drove I was driving home the competition was in Limerick okay I stopped in every scene the service station long way just getting ice cream like M&Ms skittles you know crisps everything I was like dragging my sorrows in calories okay I was I was so sad about the competition nothing yeah whatever at least I just get to eat whatever I want now and then that night when I got home when I finally arrived home because the long drive I ordered a huge Domino's Pizza okay like the full family meal to myself and then the next day I just woke up and I was like how do I have a six-pack yesterday like seriously then this is where the really weird thing started to happen and I've been warned about you know competing and eating disorders before but I really didn't think it would happen to me for the following four to six weeks I could just not control myself by a full-blown binge eating disorder I'm like hey it feels so weird to even say that again I didn't want to admit it to myself at the time that I had a Benji evening disorder and I could literally not control what I ate like I was very odd walked into the kitchen and you know I was living in that you know B&B thing at the time oh geez we'll remember that and there just be like food around the kitchen and I was just like obviously eat it I can I'd like eat other people's food like you ever looked good it was crazy I could be like completely full okay I could be stuffed and I would still just keep trying food in my bag okay I could not control what I hate and like I would say to myself I'd be like Rob you know just go back to your normal diet stop doing this you know you don't need to eat all that food but it was really strange I just couldn't control what I was eating and that has really taught me is really helped me understand what people feel when they've got a binge eating disorder okay and so that again lasted quite a while that's what a good few weeks and then eventually it just kind of died out a little bit I think I went in a holiday and I just kind of got out of my system and then I noticed I'd got really really out of shape and I was like okay it's time to get my together I'm a you know I slowly got back on the wagon so after go true not I said whoa I never want to you know feel like that again just feel like I'm no control over myself and so you know I started researching into eating disorders and you know into being more you know having a better relationship with food and I can godly say now I would like for the past couple of years I've had a really good relationship with food I don't even think about food often at all I really enjoy my diet you guys notice how narrow like stay in shape you're right and I honestly think that's because I've good relationship with food okay sometimes I track macros sometimes I don't sometimes I'm more flexible with my diet sometimes are more rigid but like it's chilled I really enjoy my diet and I rarely ever binge eat and if I do it's like yeah I plan on it's like I'm going out with friends tonight and I'm gonna enjoy my dinner I'm gonna enjoy my food it's not like out of my control so I thought happened I really spent the year kind of you know working on my relationship with food on the year after I competed and again I should do really well I came first so my class would you look at that here's the trophy right here I'm so yeah I didn't much better than that competition and I didn't drown my sorrows in calories afterwards and so I think that's another thing to think off as well but I was so much more prepared and so much more mindful of how bad I would feel if I really had a bad kind of rebound after my show so that was the last show I did that was two years ago and as much as I enjoyed it I really did and I'm competing I'm not sure if I'll do it again you know Never Say Never yeah but I think you know there's a lot of cons to it there is pro suit as well if you really like it then you know obviously you keep doing it but just you know be mindful of the kind of negatives to competing and setting some pressure on yourself but so anyways here is kind of my advice for anyone who may be struggling with some form of eating disorder and particularly binge eating disorder but they feel have no control over their diet so this where I've learned first of all if it is very serious you should seek professional help I am NOT a professional or an expert in any of this field on eating sores are very very serious you can also get much more streaming soldiers so seriously you know it is something to be taken seriously and I'm not an expert so it's helped me of becoming radio master of my own diet and which is such a big thing like nutrition such a huge part of our life you know we eat every day like we with friends it controls how we look you know having a good relationship with food and a good good you know nutrition is huge you know it'll impact how you look and how you feel and everything okay so I think it's very important so here are a few tips re help me okay in no particular order and number one is be flexible okay you know I follow flexible dieting I eat something I love every single day if you're gonna stick to your diet long term you're gonna have to enjoy it do you think you're gonna do something you hate for the rest your life of course you know this one is extremely important and I spoke about it earlier and it is don't set an end date on your diet okay I think that's so important it's like okay let's say your your competitions on the first of June all right you're like oh and you see people post like this you're like oh on the first of June I can't wait to just finish it and just eat whatever I like you're like I'm going away on holidays on the first ajuna oh man I'm gonna eat this that bad everything and like you're already basically saying I'm gonna fall off this time I'm not gonna stick with it okay so think about that you know like doesn't that's you're you're pretty much saying at night I'm not I can't sustain this okay this is not sustainable so I think that one's hugely important next point is don't take it to the extremes and this one isn't ready for the competing people because if you are competing you are gonna have to take it to the extremes but if you're looking to just get in shape like there's no need to die tense like six or eight percent body fat and you know you'll get abs and you'll look good like 10 to 12 percent body fat like you know you'll be athletic you can sustain it you don't have to go super low calories or do so much cardio you know if you've got a sand and structured plan and then you know it shouldn't be that hard and it shouldn't be an extreme thing for you to achieve as there's no need to go to those extremes unless you are competing have a plan for after okay so like I said if you are working towards a holiday which is absolutely fine or if you are you know competing and your work towards that competition just have a plan set in place for afterwards so say like if you're going on holiday I'm gonna work out like three times in the hotel gym I'm gonna go for like a walk everyday you know I'm gonna like maybe you know get this reckless or have a solid for lunch okay just put a structured plan in place for when and you know you're coming towards that goal that you've worked towards and ultimately just if you're following a plan and you're really dreading it say am I gonna follow this six months in line or a year to end line and if not maybe you shouldn't you know kind of look into things further and try get a more sustainable and balanced approach so rise that is my eating disorder story kind of a weird topic for me to talk about and just something that I never really wanted to talk about but now I'm just like totally cool with it you know I think it is I think it's a good topic to you know bring to the public and just bring awareness to so I appreciate the feedback as always in the comments section and again you know I love the support from you guys this channel is an amazing place and I'm really having fun making YouTube videos right now as some leave it a thumbs up and I see in the next video [Applause] [Applause]


  1. Can relate so much, this happened to me although I wasn't competing in bodybuilding I had aspirations to be a professional athlete.

  2. The secret is to eat a normal diet and workout like a maniac

  3. So proud of you for making this and this is the first video of yours that I clicked on and I am not even a minute in

  4. I feel your pain my friend I've been there!

  5. Im here now . And I don’t know what to do it’s an endless cycle of me eating junk and felling guilty. I completed in May of 2018 and until today I can’t stop thinking of food. I can’t deal with this no more

  6. After a few days of holiday binge eating, perfect video to watch. Thanks for sharing!

  7. Along these lines, could you do a video on advice for mentally accepting fat gain? I find that I often get self-conscious whenever I'm above around 9% body fat, and this has made it harder for me to bulk for more than a couple months, eat out with friends at restaurants, etc. I know that, logically, this doesn't really make any sense, but I still struggle with it.

  8. had same experience. its a dark place.

  9. Thank you for this Rob it’s incredible hearing this story.

  10. Thank you for this Rob it’s incredible hearing this story.

  11. Not sure if you read these comments but wanted to say how much I appreciate your message here. As a male who has struggled with bulimia it hits close to home. Been watching your videos for a while and it has helped tremendously with getting in better shape through healthy means. You are awesome!

  12. One of the most important videos I have watched, always love the content. But really needed to hear this. After summer shredding I did exactly what you talked about. Thank you, Rob!

  13. Thank you for sharing your story. We all go through something.

  14. The same thing happened to me mate, after having orthorexia & over exercising for ages! It’s scary! So happy you also got through it 🙌🏻 x

  15. I think it goes down to the fact that dieting and shredding fat actually from a survival perspectice it is like starving. So after the competition your body focus on putting back calories to make sure you survive.

  16. Good vid. Also worth a mention are some extremes such as purging etc…I am currently in the position you identified. I got under 8%; stupid for someone who doesn't compete. Not just this, but i had hardly any mass and so was on ridiculously low calories….around 1400ish. Its been a month since, and ive had maybe three or so occasions where I've fallen off the rails and eaten well over 10k cals in an evening with my brain not responding to those satiety cues of intense bloating pain. I havent really fixed things up yet, but I've reverse dieted and now have a maintenance around 3000 cal which im following very strictly unfortunately..and even with these numbers still climbing, you'd think I would be satisfied with this much food, but I still have zero self control and the numbers are the only thing keeping me on the tracks. For reference, I am 145lb 5'8"

  17. I’ve been through the exact same thing. It’s a problem that needs to be outlined amongst the fitness world, it can happen to anyone! Huge amount of respect for you bro 👏🏻

  18. As a former wrestler, I can 100% relate. I’m still dealing with my binge eating disorder :/

  19. I dieted down extremely hard for summer 2 years ago. Afterwards, I binge ate, felt shame, exercised to prevent damage. Never again I said. The next week, I binge ate, felt shame and exercised/fasted to prevent the damage. Etc. This cycle went on for 18 months and ruined many parts of my social life as well as my mental health.

    Do not underestimate the damage exteme dieting can result in.

  20. clickbait…. nice

  21. I agree with everyone – thank you so much for opening up. It's a really important topic that more people need to be aware of and if you can encourage younger men going through the same thing to open up.. that's FAB! (I am doing my PhD in disordered eating and body image). I do think yo should emphasise the seriousness of this though, kudos to you for being able to 'get through it' yourself, but many people can't. I think you're talking more about disordered eating than an eating disorder than would be clinically diagnosed.

  22. You are strong my brother, much respect to you.

  23. i havent watched it yet but oh my fucking god u got majorass balls rob!!!!! thanks alot for having the all this courage and confidence!!

  24. Doesn't like all fitness/bodybuilders have Muscle dysmorphia to some extend too? It's like the more you lift and dive into the fitness world the smaller you see yourself.

  25. reverse dieting is so important

  26. I really enjoyed your candor thanks for being so honest and transparent. Currently I’m struggling with an ed and I’m going crazy I pray things will get better .

  27. YES 🙌🏼

  28. Nice video! Great job! Keep it real. Mental health is no joke. Please make a separate video. What’s the update in love life department?

  29. Have seen some of your other videos and generally find you to be an annoying twit but this one was alright. Well done you.

  30. Liked it so much I hit the subscribe. It means a lot that you put yourself in a vulnerable position. Good on you man

  31. Thanks for sharing that! As someone who went through disordered eating, I think it’s so important to share these things!

  32. YES!!! I knew i wasnt the only one, its too much deprivation… Im Finally enjoying food for the first time in 8 years….

  33. Really crazy how easy it is to fall into that kind of trap. Glad to see youre back to normal and killing it bro!

  34. ill never compete. seen so much bloodwork from natties crashing their test and having to use 6-12 months to recover. not worth. at. all

  35. Big up Rob 💞

  36. Please talk about mental health! Really needs to be said 🙌🏻🙌🏻

  37. Who is this womans and what happen if incandescent light is placed in cooler?

  38. Courageous

  39. love the video 🙂

  40. I had the opposite after competing. I almost lost my life ..I was constantly trying to be leaner..I couldn't find the difference between lean and anorexic

  41. Amazing having a guy speak about bingeing, thank you 🖤

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