Mental Health Awareness Week



hello and good morning afternoon a very good evening Jules come over to puppet I hope you think Grand Am all is well in your world hello there everybody above a different video today everybody we are going to be well this week is a mental health awareness week and about two years ago or a year ago I was it last year I did it I don't know I forget now um I did a video about my story for mental health week I did I did my kind of like you know the whole kind of like explaining how I got my mental health issues and and and what I kind of had to deal with when I was younger and and and how that carries on into into into today and stuff like that and um big mental health week I wanted to talk about it again if you know I mean because it's suing as its for me is is is and for a lot of us out there and I've spoke to a lot of you about this it's it's not just a weak you know I mean our mental health awareness yes is a weak but like our mental health issues are 24/7 seven days a week eight seven days a week you know every every day of year is is some form of battle or fight with your own mental health and and you see in all first amount of Health Week is really cause finally it's really nice to kind of see it that like you know mental health is actually starting to be looked at and and and taken seriously instead of like been told to like you know or man or boards get on with it everyone go through that kind of thing it's like yeah one does go through first know things but not everybody has to deal with certain things that are as intense as certain people have to deal with that makes any sense at all which I'm not sure it does make sense but anyway so I just talk about certain things have been happening with me recently with one thing or another and just basically how like if you are basically if you are going through that hopefully I might be able to say something which is what I'm hoping say something in this video that we'll give you strength to keep on at it if that makes any sense because well let's kind of cut to the chase shall we cut to the chase this video isn't gonna be an easy thing to talk about because recently I've been in for the last couple of months I've been in a very very very very very bad place mentally like very very bad to the point where well it all started with about a year or so ago I started my anxiety issue always finds a way to screw with me one where now it always finds a way to mess with me so when I think I've conquered one symptom and the one will pop up and that one always feels worse because it's brand-new and I don't know how to deal with it so recently in recent times I last year I started develop this breathlessness issue I couldn't breathe properly about my chest was closed up and I couldn't breathe I couldn't catch my breath and obviously about triggers wings I eat some like oh I can't breathe I'm suffocating I'm suffocating I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm sure quite a lot of us know that feeling it's absolutely horrific it's really really not very nice anyway that kind of debilitating me to be honest we can't really really hit me hard and through that I developed all sorts of other anxiety issues including heart palpitations and a tight tight tightness in my chest and and general fear that I was having a heart attack and recently ended by the beginning of the year my uncle and my cousin's husband passed away in the space of two weeks so my uncle had had Alzheimer's so in he he'd been slowly going food for years but I went we went round to my at his house about a week or so before he passed away and the image that I saw of him I will never get out of my mind and it really really hit me square in the face like a you know a real cold bucket of water really hit me in the face like whoa there we are and it was like reality he was terrif it was just horrible is just like a column I can't actually deal with it and everyone it affected everyone now he's going to anyway he passed away and then literally two weeks later my cousin's husband passed away and he was like like my uncle I just there's something I see people you ever going to meet and you know not being missed horrific alia really well and just larger-than-life people really anyway um my my cousin's husband passed away from a heart attack so my anxiety decided to twist this which in way your anxiety does it plays upon your weaknesses anxiety does it really does like to play on your weaknesses so my anxiety twisted it to to make me think that when I'm having heart palpitations and and chest tightness and shortness of breath I'm having a heart attack so that's what I've been dealing with the last like three months is everyday thinking I'm I'm having a heart attack he's getting to it got to the point it's not getting to the point and I'll get to that in a bit got to a point about I don't know when a couple bad month ago so I was playing a gig with juice to Ludo and I was on stage and things were just going a bit awry but it was a bit kind of like crazy and things were going a bit wrong with one finger or another and and two songs into a seven song set I got really tight chest and heart palpitations and I was on stage and what the hell am I gonna do you know and by the end of the song I was like just : if you if you're gonna kill me kill me just get it over and done with if that's what you want do it nothing happened obviously it's just it's all in there telling me that's gonna happen when it's not gonna happen I know that but it does get to our point where yes you'd write pushes you to that point where you are so done and so beaten down by it you are literally why never do what do what you want I don't care anymore just do what do what you need to do and if that means that then bring it yeah you get to our point it's a very very dark point anyway in dealing with this recently it's put my head in a spiral we've just been going down down down so I was dealing with all this kind of like you know pedal things ie of like you know oh god I've got to get I've got to go through another day of fighting this a lot of this kind either and it was just like he was getting to the point where as I can't be bothered to fight here and then all these copyright nonsense blew up and it was just like another kick in the kick in the never regions you know I mean to knock you down a bit more just you know just when you kind of like you know fighting something you kind of don't really have a handle on in the first place that something else comes along and then kicks you right in the teeth and just knocks you right back down and it really really really hit me very very hard and I'm not gonna lie and I don't want to lie to you but it's very hard to talk about this stuff I was looking for a way out and I call it it my brain isn't it if you know what I mean like the thing in my brain it tells me all these bad things about like you know you know good you can't play guitar you're absolutely useless no one cares just freeze up off a cliff that kind of lovely stuff that my my lovely body brain likes to tell me um it was saying there's only one way out of this day even you know what that is and it got it at that point I was like no no I'm not doing this again I've been here before I'm not doing this again I'm not doing again I'm not sitting here and letting it dictate what I can and can't do in my life and I'm certainly not gonna let it dictate when my life and just because and that was my mindset so that was it I was a fight between that and this all day good bad good bad good bad for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours on end to a point where I'm just totally exhausted by I was beaten down by and I was talking to family and friends and you know and and really trying to get a handle on it and um and I haven't got a handle on it it's as simple as that really it's really really difficult for me it's kind of like home get it if that makes any sense like you know I can understand it but the thing is it's like when when things are constantly going wrong or you were they appeared to be going wrong they're not necessarily going wrong but because of your mind say so negative everything's bad you know I mean and I'm sure we've all been there you know everything you know you wake up in the morning and you stub your toe and then you go downstairs and and and you spill your tea or whatever you have in the morning and then and and then as you're walking out the house or something happens and you bang your elbow on the doorframe you immediately go right well that's my day ruined I'm gonna have a really bad day today because of this one thing you set it in your mind and that's that and that's basically my mindset for the last couple of months of like you know and I've had the positives definitely but like the negative it in my head it's just been trying to downplay it and I've been fighting to knock down play you know I mean is this real fight going on and um and then about that two weeks that we know about two weeks ago now it all blew up basically I i I've been fighting it and bottling it up and just kind of like containing it as best I could in it in a pot for as long as I could and then like two weeks ago and literally everything that day was just getting to me like you know little things like like in fact it was raining and I had a gig and I had to do this not to do that and I was just like you know things that otherwise be very easy to get by you know they're not but a lot of mundane but like you know they're just kind of like you know usual daily things that happen yeah that's life kind of thing yeah I mean and are basically this I lost it and a little bit of a you know little bit of a kind of a little breakdown if you will not like a huge kind of total thing but I lost control basically others lost there and you know the others couldn't take it anymore I just was just like in absolute just absolute yeah dumb yeah I was kind of like you know I've just reached I've reached that end of the line where I just literally was like I can't do this I literally can't do this anymore I can't fight it anymore I can't do this and I was just you know waiting away to my sister and my mom and Joe and I was a static calm I literally don't know where I'm going anymore I don't know what I'm doing with it because I know what I want to do with my life which is this and play the guitar and make music for all you out there and all this how the other thing but it seems to not want me to do that he likes it it's taking it always takes you know I mean it is ayat is a thing it always takes and never gives back it just you know having a real kind of bad thing like the things I just yeah so I oh I'll take this oh I'll take that I'll take this are you like doing this yet what I'm gonna take that as well and that's just the way it is and you will deal with it it's like that it's a bully basically but it is possible to not beat it but shut it the hell up lack of a better word make it shut its mouth and fight back basically which is extremely easier to save and it is to do as I know and then throw a lot of us out there no bum hey I just kind of like absolute miss absolutely breakdown bit where I just litter couldn't cope with it anymore when I was just does just dawn I was a study I had enough I was like I don't know what else to do and I'm really grateful for that happening because it was almost like something triggered and I like right that's it I need to get a handle this I need to get this sword I really need to get my brain back from it and sort it out and let's get a grasp on things and and I just took really really deep and I am thinking really really deep every day to go no I'm not gonna be a negative grim brained person who just thinks that the only way out of this is one way and I'm not doing that I don't want that yeah it's pushing me that way it I always call it in it it pushes me that way but I don't want that if I go for that they're like I can't talk to you people I can't make music I can't play my guitar so I made changes I'm making changes I'm trying to push in the right direction for me you know I mean to try and get what I need to do and I I don't I don't want to go I want to stay so so yeah so things are gonna change for me I'm gonna start going now I'm not gonna be negative because the thing is I'm a very negative person really I'm I'm very kind of in that thing of like I put myself down a lot I never think anything I do is good enough I never I never think you know I'm Way you know I'm forever putting myself down it's as simple as that really and and a lot of people who've suffered with things I do that as well and it's a weird things it's like a reverse you go into ways it's um you know instead of having a kind of ego where you think you're the bee's knees you you have an ego where you look you thinking you're the worst person in the world and you're is no purple oh you're basically just wasting with other people's oxygen by even breathing and carry on your your lifespan these it's kind of like that and um basically this video is I just put none of this was planned if I'm being perfectly honest I haven't got a cheat sheet but I'm gonna refer to points I just want turn the camera on and just talk and see what comes out just be honest about what's been going on and in so doing so I'm hoping that maybe if somebody's going through the same kind of thing and they can see that I can get there and we you know then hopefully we can get there and then that might spread to somebody else and knowing that you know this idea and it dawned on me to why I told me when a friend of mine said well the fact I don't shooting I don't want to be giving up because it sends a it sends a negative message to people who are going through this if I gave up and took the way out it tells me to take then all people who have seen my mental health awareness video or this video are gonna go well what the hell you know why should I be strong if you can't be kind of thing so that spurred me on even more and it never occurred to me that on until my friend told message said that to me said like you know you're for like you know you kind of if you can do it other people might see that as like you know I can do it as well and that to me was like wow yeah that's wicked so basically that's kind of like what this video is really about really 10 days I'm not gonna let it beat me I'm not gonna let anxiety dictate what I can and cannot do in my life I will not let it drive me down this road it's going to but I will be able always come back from it I will not let it reach its end game yeah I mean my end game happens in the main game happens but it ain't gonna be because of things I eat simple as that if you know I mean it's like you know when when that time comes it comes but it isn't gonna be because things aya T says so you know I mean so if I can get this across to people who are in the same position who then that's that's all that matters because there's so many people out there struggling with anxiety worse than me I know that for a fact I I don't have it I don't feel I have it bad in comparison to some way some people and way some people talk about what they've had to deal with in their life and what they go through on a daily basis I have it really kind of like you know I don't have it bad at all in that in that respect but I still fight that monster every day I I know exactly how it feels like and I know exactly how it feels like to know that there's only one way out and I'm here to basically say that's not the only way out there are multiple ways out yeah I mean yeah it's there that's it's somebody said it once I don't know who said it but it's that way out and I don't want to say that the word it begins with an ass and we all know what I mean that way out somebody said it once is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and I can't feel that bad anymore true because it really is I mean I know yeah because there is ways to when you cut when you feel you can't go on anymore you have to really find a way to just go no I can you know I mean you and it really comes from here not here this is what's messing you around this isn't messing around this these gut feelings you get you know this ruins you this makes you kind of thing you know I mean it you can find that strength and you can find it through other people helping you just reach out do not be afraid and another thing about this Mental Health Awareness Week is makes this wicked is that it's know what you don't have to be afraid anymore you don't have to be kind of like you know and I won't mention it because if I mention it people gonna think I'm you know stupid on whatever I won't mention it because it's not really a problem it is a problem it's a massive problem and if you're going through it shout it from the rooftops what you're going through doesn't matter how mild or how about you know I mean just get it out to other people that you are going through what going through and if they don't want to hire and help you they weren't worth in the first place but the hair I'll help you then that's all the matters you need people around you who are willing to sit there and listen to you too waffle on about what's going on in your head you need it out you can't bottle it because if you do bottle it it does one day you're a you you are a you're a bomb you are a ticking time bomb you were a volcano eventually you will explode and that's that normally this is where people just I can't do this anymore and that's when that happens and I don't want that for anyone in the world and you know I don't want to hear I can't stand it when you hear about somebody who who got who got bullied at school and they just decided that that was the only way out that's the only way that bullying is gonna stop you know I mean because because nothing else could be done all they appeared nothing else could be done it absolutely breaks my heart because that was nearly me at school I was I was there doing that as well and it really is heartbreaking but you can come back from it you can always come back from it there is always a way but you have to find it in yourself to do it in the first place you can't you know people can help you yes and it's wicked when people help you and you need people to help you you cannot do it on your own but you do have to dig deep in yourself and find that and it is in everyone even when you get to the lowest point where you literally like you know what that's it I can't do this anymore berries always have come back various always come back I'm positive of it and if I'm still here then you can still be here and if I can function and I can fight it and I can do this kind of thing and you can do it as well it's it's not it's not just kind of like these are just cliche sayings he's a true like I have got to that point so many times in my life right I've tried to go check out please but I'm still here and I'm not I am still gonna fight it even when I get to a close point am i I'm not I'm not know when my time comes my time comes buddy like I said he's not gonna be because of anxiety it's not gonna be cousin yeah I mean it's gonna be whatever it's not for me to know I'm not gonna think about that until that happens because I've got things to do but I want to do and that brings me to another point is you need goals you need something that you want to do that's so strong that you just you hold on to it like a duck it's a it's a safety blanket you know you hold on to it like you know you're hanging off a cliff and it's a person that's holding on to you what you know and you will not fall why you have hold of this person you know I mean that's what you need and you know and everyone needs that everyone needs that feeling you know I mean everyone needs to belong everyone needs to feel like they belong but doing something with their life you know I mean when when you feel like you've got nothing left that's when you know that bad things happen but everyone has something to give no matter what it is in the world they really do everyone has something to give even when they feel they don't they do you know whether it be one thing or another yeah I mean but like I say I'm still here and I'm fighting it though and I refuse to let it beat me I am NOT gonna let it just keep kicking me it can kick me away once you can beat me down all at once I am gonna keep getting back up and I'm gonna keep going on I am NOT gonna let this dictate likes what I like say why I can't and cannot do with my life I'm not gonna have that this is my life it's not its life my anxiety is a product of what happened to me it's not what I am it's not who I am my anxiety is not me it's in it and it doesn't it doesn't even my sister said don't even know consuming she said why you even give it time of the day and that's exactly it it's like an annoying thing that just you can just turn it off it takes tight it's not that easy you can't let's flick a switch and it's gone it takes time and it takes a lot of effort but it can be done I know it can be done because I'm still here and I have been in bad situations with certain but I've been there you know I mean but there is always a way there is always a way this happens to be mine yeah especially this one this this piece of wood with strings wires and electrics and metal lines is one of my one of my main reasons for being here that's that's one of my main reasons for being here and this guitar was my memories of being here when I feel I shouldn't have been anymore and the guitar has always been that way it came along I didn't play music from school I didn't play guitar I wasn't interested in music at all through school because I had other things on my mind and having the school life I had it wasn't easy to focus on anything sir and when I left school it just appeared literally i well as soon as I finished school of a guitar just appeared I heard my dad and my sister playing away together and I was like I want to do that never been musical in my life up to that point I was 16 years old I've never been musical at that point in my life I didn't didn't have a CD player they even owned a CD I had no CDs I had nothing I had no interest whatsoever in it whatsoever so I was always surrounded by bees music with my brother listening to I used to so my dad listen to punk music and my mum listened to a top four and my sister listened to her music as well but I was never interested in it because I was going through other things that this kind of got in the way yeah I mean and these things were just a negative influence yeah such a negative impact on me it just it just killed all joy and I always say that the guitar I didn't choose the guitar the guitar chose me and came along at a certain time and I was just able to do it you know I mean almost 16th birthday I got I was 15 when I when I saw my my sister and my dad play on it and on my 16th birthday I got my first guitar and as soon as we got it home and I put him put that little Washburn maverick Series guitar into my PV ray jam and we just cranked the amp up really loud and I played undertones teenage cakes there is nothing like that feeling in the world to me it's just it's still the same way now 17 years down the line 17 years tomorrow then it was then it's just constant release and I just love it so much it's just all it's all I want to do is make play and record music I just want to play my guitar more than anything it's just the only thing it makes me feel free yeah I mean it cuz it does free music does free you even if you can't play an instrument yeah how many times have you put on a song and it will just release you from the world all that stress all the pressure all the woes all the worry or whatever it just goes in music this is my music is such a powerful beautiful art form and we've all the copyright stuff recently going on it's just like you know you push in it you're pushing buttons that you should not be pushing big people corporations so so yeah so this is really difficult and like I say coming back to it just to kind of like somewhat really um it's not easy and it's not gonna be easy and it's never gonna be easy but one thing I will say is just learn to accept it as part of you if you have anxiety troubles you have depression you have this any other does learn to accept that's part of you it's not you but it is part of you but it doesn't dictate what you are you do that yeah it's not the driving force of your life it's not the be-all and end-all it it's not an end game you can get through if you just dig and you do have to dig deep you really do have to dig deep I mean I home every day and this point in time is really it's a struggle but you can do it and the more you do it the more it shuts its mouth and the more you can do what you want you can do life I mean you really can't yeah the more you go against it the less you know you just decrease its power every time every time you fight it and you beat it with a positive mindset so the negative mindset you just beat it further down and instead of it kicking you you kick it it can't be beat and no but it can be beaten down the same way it beats you down every day you can beat it down and you can come out on top will it be there the next day yes most probably I can't guarantee that it'll ever go away go like I say you'll always be part of you anxiety anxiety doesn't go away it's just crippling horrible Chris Harley but trippingly horrible but you can fight you can beat it in a day to day basis sometimes you some some days you might have to settle with a draw some days you can beat it some days you're gonna lose but that's the way it is some days you are going to lose some days it's gonna beat you but the more you beat it the more it shuts his face and that's important because it's like I say I'm gonna rewrite snot you it's part of you but doesn't mean anything it's like your appendix yeah I mean that's part of you but he can be removed and you can keep going yeah I mean it's not it's not it's not fundamental part of your being you are know me and you can find a way to just kick it yeah yeah go away you lose a way to do that you can do that but you can beat it down you can't get rid of it I don't believe you can get rid of things I especially when it's been really really bad and it's plaguing you constantly I've had my problem now for 20 years figured out the other day I've been suffering with my anxiety issue for 20 years now and I know it's not going away I know I'm gonna have to keep going and going and going going with it every day but I'm not gonna let it beat me and that's that's the way this is you know I mean yes sometimes it's gonna win some days I'm gonna win some days I'm gonna draw but yeah if I've got to fly every day then I've got to fire every day but I can do it and if I can do it then you can as well and I know people out there you can so you know um yeah there's always a way there's all there's always a way there is always way you have to dig deep guess sometimes it's really difficult and sometimes you don't want but it's better than the alternative is better than the way out the way out is not a solution it's not a solution like that I forget who said it but it really is true about the S word is it is a temporary solution is a permanent solution to a temporary problem sorry they got around but it really is it really is and let's say anxiety isn't you you know you're not your anxiety you are you and you if you want to do something you can do it maybe not this week maybe not next year maybe not be here after that but eventually you'll get there if you just keep going and going and going and sometimes you're just really difficult this is where people come in you need people to keep you driven and you need something like a goal to keep you driven whether it be like me making music playing my guitar if I'm not here I can't play my guitar and that's a no-no yeah I want to play my guitar until I literally cannot anymore until I fall down due to because it's that time I'm gonna play this anxiety's not gonna take that away from me I don't care my kite my anxiety and my depression my my worries they're not gonna take that away from me just because you know I mean yes they make me think like you know it's not worth it sometimes but it's always worth it and you do need that you do need those goals you need to be able to find that kind of thing in your life it makes you want to just keep existing you know I mean but make sure it's what you want you want it you never want to settle at that point you know you really want to find something you're so passionate about love I mean I get really passionate about the guitar because I love it you know I mean when people say oh yo yo if you ever played a bad guitar not really yeah I've played a couple of really really bad guitars but if it's got six strings on it and I can play it and it makes a sound that I like I'm happy you know I mean it's like I love guitar I love amps I love pedals I love Noi's I love expression and freedom of expression through to guitar I look about two kind of I'd love to be able to kind of like push myself into certain situations using the guitar but I would not necessarily be in otherwise going out for instance like to play gig in a pub you wouldn't you wouldn't even without a guitar or a gig you wouldn't get me into like a pub or a club if you had if you had to you know I mean because I just can't I don't like doing it even go and see bands which I like to get I'm going to see a band next month in Leeds and it's weighing on my mind because you know I've got to go I'm not I'm not gonna have to have my guitar with me I've got to you know I've got to go and I've gotta go and stand in a room with loads of people and I get very nervous in crowds I'm not very good in crowds I never have been and that comes next ever back to school as well but um every bass the root of my anxiety and depression is DC school like I'm sure quite a lot of ours is out there and quite a lot of people out there have torrid time to school and and does end up haunting him for a thought but I'm worried about that you know but problem is when you're worrying about it takes away from you living in that moment and I change during it which is really really bad thing and there have been times where I've been out and about and they said about you just enjoying what's going on under spin like that and then you leave and you just get beaten down by because I wonder enjoy that I should have enjoyed that and I should have been full well it wasn't because I let the boy take over and anxiety is just a boy at the end of the day and it's really strange that all the people who buoyed me at school put this boy in my head and now I'm a bully to myself and that's exactly what anxiety is yeah you are a bully to yourself yeah you punish yourself instead of somebody else doing it you know and instead of being I'm a physical kind of plain or somebody else doing it on I'm kind of like a on a verbal thing you are doing it verbally and sometimes physically to yourself you know I have a tendency to hit myself when I get into those kind of things because I feel worthless you know like I'm sure why others do it makes this makes you feel worthless anyway um but like I say it can't be beat it can't be got over but it can and it can't really it can be beaten though if you know I mean it will always be part of you but it's not you but you can beat it you know I mean and every time you push it further down it shuts its mouth a bit more and you gain back more control over it instead of it having control over you and the only thing that gives anxiety control is you you know I give it I give it free reign over my emotions it's not it's not hyper away it's me being I just give it what I give it I give it the power instead of kind of like you become very irrational basically but yeah you give it power yeah it draws its power from you you know I mean like so if you're if you're in a negative mindset then it's gonna love it you know I mean if you're in a positive mindset it's gonna hate it because it can't break through positivity will always override negativity you know I mean if you can think positive about any situation like if you're if you're like rule like oh I don't want to I don't want to go to the shop today I need to go to the shop today but on four things I and I can't actually get out the house if you can get it's really difficult it is so hard this is so much easier to save and it is to do it trust me I've been I've gone through it I still go for it if you can get your mind go no I can I can do this I can do this I can go across to the shop and buy whatever you need to buy I can do this you know and not let it beat you then when you get back from the shop you know you will feel so you might feel makkad you might feel exhausted even though it's like yeah whatever across the road or whatever but you can't but you'll feel empowered by that because you did that you didn't let it beat you it you beat it and then it just kind of sits in the corner fine which is great which is exactly what you want you know you're beating the boy aids own game when it says you can't do something you go out and do it it's like ah I didn't expect that which is what you want which is exactly what you want to do and like I said the S word is not dissolution I know exactly how people see it as being cuz that's where I've been recently and I totally understand how it feels like that is the only way out and that's the only way you're ever gonna be free of it or whatever you're going through but there is always way there is always a way you just got to find it and sometimes it does take it takes a long time to find it but you will if you just keep going there's always a reason to keep going there is always a reason you just have to find it I promised you there is always away yeah I mean if I'm still here after all after all this no 20 years of it and I spoke to all people who have had it for living longer than that who have been in that situation if they're still here then we can all find a way and again through Mental Health Awareness Week which is awesome we know what we no longer have to suffer in silence you know I mean we don't have to kind of like this kind of like boy up and go right well I can't talk about it because people are gonna think whatever about me or people aren't gonna take you seriously or treat it like it's not really a problem so it is awesome that is finally being recognized and I'm going through steps to sort myself out I have I have assessments coming up and stuff like that to sort myself out and so for that and these are the changes you need to make and also the mindset you have to change your mindset you have to stop being just negative negative towards it you have to kind of go wrong it's doing this what's the positive to its negative if it's saying you can't do something what's the positive to a saint no I can do it yeah what's it what's the what's the what's the counter-argument to its argument yeah I mean what how can have you beat it its own game so to say because you can there is always a way there is a way anyway anyway I think I've long enough long enough about this so now I come with a piece of music this morning for this video and I thought I'd play at the end because I want to dedicate it to anybody who's going through all this lovely horrific stuff it's not fun but this next song is all for you and I really um I really hope it yeah it's I hope you enjoy it I hope you enjoy it for what it is and so yeah he doesn't have a name it doesn't have anything he's just it's just for you it's just for you to make whatever you will of it wherever you see it as anger sadness or pain or or even happiness or a new beginning or an overcome of something or you know whatever you know just close your eyes and listen to what this is telling you not what this is telling you you know listen to this not this listen tegu What's it telling you about what's going on in this piece of music about you you know don't think about what I'm playing don't think about like you know what kids in if you're a musician then I think about any of that don't think about what pedals I'm using just think about what's that's saying about you and what's what do you want because this is really important in life as well I'll finish on this one positive everything comes down to asking yourself that question at the end of the day is what do you want sometimes it's a really hard question to answer because sometimes the the lines blur and you can't really see what it is you want and it's difficult sometimes but if you dig deep and and look hard enough you'll feel fine what you want and normally yes the reason you're yeah the reason you're around and that's why you're here that's your reason for being so and that will change over time I'm sure it will I'm sure what people want people want changes over time and that's a good thing as well because you go from one thing to another and it constantly refreshes your you know your life if you constantly find new reasons to to be instead of kind of like letting a certain stupid boy kind of let you feel like you shouldn't be so uh so yeah so um so yeah this is my little video for this mental health awareness week like I say it's very kind of like close to me because of you know but last 20 years of my life has been kind of like going through it for better for worse or whatever it is and I'm like saying if I'm still here then we can all still be here at the end of the day you know I mean dude there is there isn't one way out you know in the S word isn't the way out there's there's many other ways out but involve continuing on and breathing and yeah so um so yeah I hope you enjoy this piece of music everybody and I will see you again have a great weekend everybody and I'll see you on Monday for another video and have a great morning afternoon and good evening I'll see you around Monday for another video thank you very much for watching I hope it's been too much for waffle and yeah I'll see you again happy Mental Health Awareness Week everybody and I mean happy Mental Health Awareness Week because be happy there's always a reason to be happy one way or another just you just got to find it sometimes sometimes it's hidden but there's always a way there's always there's always a reason there's always a way whatever that may be so yeah thank you very much watching everybody I'll see you again have a great wall thank you you you [Applause] you you you you [Applause] you you you [Applause] you [Applause] you you you [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] 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22 Comments

  1. You don't seem like a negative person to me. You love everything you feature in your videos. Keep them coming. They make my world better.

  2. Much respect for putting it out there, please know you are not alone .

  3. Stay strong. The world needs more good people like you, not less 🤘🏻

  4. Hi, Thanks for your words – this fight is eternal, but it's totally worth it. That song at the end of ur video kicks ass btw! 😛

  5. Have you ever tried to go to the therapist Dave? I’m in a similar place and it helps a lot

  6. mate i had 3 friends at school the rest were exactly like the stories you said, hate to say it and not taking anything away but there are people that had absolutely horrific childhoods and go on to do good things. you should try meditation. for me that ties in with listening to music.

    1000% agree with the comment on the music, i have both laughed and cried to music. also sometimes anxiety is telling you to do something, weather it be exercise/going for a walk, talking to people etc. great vid as usual 10/10!! I always tell people never be too afraid to talk to people theres always help out there!

  7. Thank you

  8. Everyone feels like crap at some point or another.
    Good to talk about it . That's important and probably the best medicine.
    Your guitar playing is amazing by the way . Life is great . Focus on all the possibilities.
    Big respect ✊

  9. We love you Dave, you are so awesome, and so inspirational.
    Thank you for being so brave and honest. We can all fight our own brains together.

  10. Even though I am an older player who’s ‘seen it all’ (apparently not)I have watched several of your videos and have found them informative, helpful and a good watch. You are a great player. You should know how much what you do is appreciated and hopefully that will be a help.

  11. You should be proud of these mental health videos Dave. Even if they help only one person you will have done something good.

  12. Dave, my friend, you are not alone. Your music and courage is an inspiration to more people worldwide than you will ever know. I'm a soldier in the United States Army where there are stigmas associated with seeking help from a behavioral health professional. So, I've shied away from doing so. Your videos have been therapeutic for me. I greatly appreciate you and the work that you do and will continue to tune in faithfully. Stay strong buddy!

  13. Alright, long comment, attempt 2: Electric Boogaloo

    First of all, when you have suicidal thoughts, its time to see a therapist. If necessary, let Jo help you, there is no shame in asking for help. I didn't, and I couldn't seek help on my own anymore. Only through luck and a rightly timed panick attack I am still alive today.

    I'll structure the thing in 2 parts, 1 about PTSD, 2 about coping skills when you are deep in the shit.

    1. The PTSD.

    Probably the best article, that includes the official ICD-Code for it is this one:

    https://bullyonline.org/index.php/health/11-post-traumatic-stress-disorder

    Read the article first, then I'll expand on the prime symptom you can tell by if you have this.

    Reliving and Flashbacks

    "Persistent remembering or "reliving" the stressor by intrusive flash backs, vivid memories, recurring dreams, or by experiencing distress when exposed to circumstances resembling or associated with the stressor."

    Now, that let's you think about the typical Vietnam flashbacks from the movies, where a firecracker pops and the traumatized character goes batshit and hides under his bed. That can happen, but it is a tiny part of all the bullshit that falls in the scope of flashbacks and intrusions.

    For example, and this happened to me recently. I am sitting in front of the doctors office, waiting for my 10 minutes at the clinic, when a fellow patient uses the word "Potatohead" (Kartoffelkopf) in some context. The next thing I sensed is a click in my head, literally, then my body adrenaline dumped, and an overwhelming sense of threat filled me. I had the sudden, violent urge to flee, and I struggled to somehow keep my composure. Back in my room, I went haywire, punched walls, was confused and out of breath, then I took my headphones and ran outside.

    This was an intrusion. My therapist thinks it started as a flashback without visual memory. Can happen in childhood trauma (my bullying started at 6, ended at 15 mostly, at 18 fully). A circumstance that reminded me of the stressor triggered a reaction from back then.

    This can get way more violent, as I experienced a week later, when writing down childhood memories pushed me into a 2 hour long flashback, in which I felt the irresistable urge to cower beside my bed, because at some point when I was abused, I felt this was a good idea. I also went numb in my legs (dissociation), then struggled to stand, experienced nausea without physical reason (somatic reexperiencing, you feel things from back then) and I finished this one off by staring at a wall for 30 minutes flat without feeling time pass (dissociation).

    But, this can also be way less violent. I was moved to another station in the hospital I am in, filled with new people. I noticed that when I think about leaving my room, I see my old schoolhouse halls in my head and I get anxious. When I go to the dinning room and hear voices, I immediately get a sense of danger and despair.
    When I see a group of men approaching, I immediately feel like I will be attacked. This is all a form of intrusion. Some days I have more, some days I have less. Some days, this is all day.

    Reliving and reexperiencing are the main criteria for PTSD, if you fit this, then all the other symptoms you talked about in this and your previous mental health video, put you spot on into PTSD. Your abusive inner critic, and you thinking yourself into crisis (I have both, too) is usually a sign for the Complex-PTSD, are more recently developed diagnosis that is not yet in the ICD, that comes from trauma sustained over a long period of time.

    A word about the qualifier, the stresssor criteria. When asked about what happened to you, emphasize the amount of dread, fear, hopelessness and despair you felt. That is important to get the diagnosis, if you have it. If the A1 criterion is not fulfilled, you can tick all the boxes of the disease, you can't have it, by definition. Even if you have it anyways…..

    2. Coping Skills

    Now, I am still learning about dealing with my illness so this is not the last word on this. Your own research, and at best guidance by a therapist, is vital!!!!!
    So, skills are methods to get you out of rising or unbearable tension, caused by anxiety, sadness, emptyness, anger etc.
    First of all, I will share my crisis plan, then I will share an example of how I used it.

    Crisis Plan:

    1. Chew a Chili Pepper (I use Birds Eye Chili)
    2. Cold Shower
    3. Physical Excercise
    4. Listen to Music and Walk
    5. Talk to a friend, councellor or nurse

    It was a monday at the psychward. One of my best friends was heavily suicidal (C-PTSD, Eating Disordered, Compulsions. She doesnt have it easy…), so I accompanied her through the day. After lunch, her, me, and another friend, went for a walk together, those are a skill for her. During the walk, she greatly enjoyed the other friends company, when an intrusion from my beloved mother hit: "OMG, he is a better friend than me, I will be replaced."
    First I tried pushing the thought away, which didn't work, then my inner critic took over, and told me what a vile piece of shit I am for thinking about myself, when a friend is in crisis, that I am indeed a bad friend, that I am worthless, the usual BS.
    I still tried keeping it down to be there for her (something I shouldn't have done). Coming back to the hospital, I was now full-blown suicidal myself, and enacted my crisis plan.
    1. I ate the Chili Pepper. Why? Because at this point, so deep into crisis, your brain only fires in one area, this is where your shit goes down. The self-abuse, anxiety, etc. So that strong taste gets another area going, to get things moving again.
    2. I took a cold shower. Like, COLD. This has the same reason as the first one, but the individual effect on me is what makes it so strong. Usually, under the shower, underlying emotions get released. Like this time, I started crying like a kid. A kid abandoned by his mom for his sister, who always got preferential treatment.
    3. Out of the shower, I was still tense, so I did pushups until I couldn't anymore. Same principle. You are reactivating other areas of your brain and restoring your perceptions.
    4. I walked again and listened to music. At this point, I calmed down a lot, and I got lost in the movement and the music.
    5. In the end I was able to sit down with my friends and tell them what just happened to me. And their reassurance and understanding cleared the tension for me.

    This is broadly how you use them. If one skill in that order fails to bring you down, you start again at the top and work your way downwards. Now, you dont always need to start at the very top, it depends on your level of tension. At the point I was pushing away those thoughts, the excercise would have been adequate. It depends on your level of tension (between 0 and 100 is a good measure).

    There are hundreds of skills and coping strategies out there, for PTSD, Borderline and Anxiety, so go looking yourself, especially at websites dedicated to those illnesses. A famous excercise for guiding attention from the inside to the outside in anxiety is to firmly stand upright, and count things. 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you smell, 2 you feel etc. Your own research is vital here, but at best would be an experienced therapist. Important is to practice your skills when you are calm, and if you are really in the shit, don't try new things, only use what works.

  14. The "it" might not want you here, but we all deeply want you to stay in this world Dave <3

  15. Well expressed. Keep fighting the good fight.

  16. Thanks Dave.

  17. Really like the song at the end. You've added a very hendrix like level to it.

  18. Try reading 12 rules for life, very popular book at the moment. Really helps you understand the suffering involved in life. So many things I didn’t understand explained by Jordan Peterson

  19. Dave I'm still watching n have a few thoughts. 1stly with the trouble breathing n feelings of heart trouble, make a dr's appointment just to check if it's a real physical symptom that could need attention. It might not just be in the mind.

    About how you deal with things it reminds me of a couple of songs. 1 is that famous song by Twisted Sister. The other is a line in a song by Bruce Cockburn that goes something like "kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight". Dunno if that fits for anybody else but me but it's how I think of it.

  20. Love the vid dave!! Ohh and Happy birthday!!!❤️❤️🎉

  21. HEY DAVE!!! awesome thank you.

  22. Dave.. ffs.. 51 here and shouldn't be.. bladed wrists at 23 ..hated myself… creative ppl ultimately feel undervalued but suicide is a cowards wayout.. happier now I love those that are around me..put the guitar down and engage on a human level with someone you care for ..you will be ok mate x

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