Larry the Cable Guy Health Inspector 2006



I don't know [Applause] [Applause] what's going on Donnie who hurt you want to play what I can't I'm late I gotta get something to eat my boss is a dick way dick who could do the cuy young man do you have any freshly squeezed orange juice I got your fresh-squeezed right here grandma who the hell do you think you are names Larry and I'm the health inspector brother–you is out of this excuse me excuse me new job keeping you on your dog it's not your idea of a joke Larry no I didn't mean like that I just thought you know you're the new guy Hey look Mumbai it's your edge it'll HP marshmallow sandwich I'll give you a bigger lid yeah sure typical guy in the chair first dibs no I can't Oh Mary Pat Locke wants to see you right away hey what's up daddy Kate I can't believe what I'm reading oh man don't tell me gay bashers or sending you eight mail again the city is being sued for a damaged coccyx do you think that's funny yeah thank you I'm crying on the inside okay once again you've defiled and violated the very citizens you've sworn to protect you weren't even working under the jurisdiction of this department nobody writes out more code violations and me lay and nobody leaves a bigger trail of destruction in their wake about time I'm getting recognized I'm not giving you a compliment you know since I can't babysit your inbred hillbilly ass 24 hours a day I've decided to assign you a partner a partner now come on you know I work alone I Drive alone I inspect alone sometimes I'll even have sex alone but never on company time that's my policy anyway I'll work alone not anymore Buckland you called me in sir you gotta be kidding me first I lose my promotion to the pissed-off crippled feller that's only been here three weeks and now you expect me a man of martini to work with a dadgum boy I'm Amy Butlin so your parents gave you a girly name to toughen you up I liked it I've been very eager to be part of a collaboration ever since I graduated from the Academy really want to get out in the field and prop your fart so hard your back crack's oh man I gotta get out of here good Lord Jesus and Dale Earnhardt jr. I am a dadgum ticking time bomb that's my Parker seriously good luck Larry Larry I figured I Drive the gas prices where they are an American dependency on foreign fuel at an all-time high hey but getting the real beat does that thing run on strawberry dude park Hey what are you doing bring these items into your external cargo bay number one it's gonna blow out all right and number two it's making my truck look trash button it this is the Larry Moby you respect the Larry Moe bill now I don't want you moving nothing or touching nothing without the express written consent of me leg weekly respect the Larry Moe be okay man come on act like a 90 years old let's go clean up a time you don't mind Larry I would actually prefer shadowing you from the other side the food prep area that way I can take notes and observe your procedure all right but then you go ahead fish is wrong trying to do poison these folks in here don't discuss tardiness sigh come on oh how you doing buddy fine think you look good you've been working out push-ups well you do look good you tried Blowfish red delicacy you would I'd rather dip French fries and my grandma's bedsores I don't mean to interrupt but may I bring up subpart 4-5 on one of the food code believe me Sakamoto made it I've brought it up I'm referring specifically to the part about we're washing process evaluation the accepted procedures to expose a securely tied remote probe of a thermocouple or the sensor of our well shielded maximum registering at least 4.8 on the scale so if we could possibly go back yes you're gonna believe this but there's a snow cone vendor out there not wearing a bra is that a violation no but it makes me want to get a snow cone the hell is that smelled like beer your deer urine I've sensitive contact are you in Mumbai I've got no glove Department pull up I can see that what are you doing I found a buyer for these do you know how many $400 bottles of wine we have gathering dust back here would you prefer offering our customers wind by the box I would prefer you don't run our mother's restaurant into the ground well honey the all-city Top Chef is in a few days if we win we'll be fine I told you that you also told me I could start bartending or waitressing that never happened well I mean you know being in charge of security is a big responsibility you're ashamed of me no don't be ridiculous you wanted me to lose weight and I went on Atkins you wanted me to dress for success and oh okay you know what you're right I'll tell you what once we get through the all-city we'll talk about expanding your role with macelli's that's my girl and let me ask you something you think you could make me one and fancy hair deals sure please let it try a chicken and dancing chicken dance what it is one our popular dish who want me eating that next to an open flame now or have you the best of your knowledge ever had infected wounds containing puffs such as a lesion or boil on the hands or wrists and has this infected wound that may or may not contain pus protected with an impermeable cover such as a finger cot or a stalled oh I'm reporting you for that oh come on Berlin that immigrant food ain't that bad you've deliberately impeded my line of questioning you undermine me and made it impossible for me to carry out my duties you didn't see any health hazards in there what you seen was a bunch of hard-working people they may not know how to speak English but ain't doing anybody no harm either so I sometimes let them slide on a small stuff they take real good care and I never have to bust emotive big stuff and your thoughtless actions resulted the loss of my contact lens which means now I have to go back to LensCrafters replace them Oh damnit Birdland respect to Larry movie you you are you okay are you alright this sneeze manikins it's not your fault they are not very Lambert the ones I got at the house you can barely get the leg up over the ears and they just snap off like a twig off well I don't do that my cousin does that nice work Jimmy very creative I'm really sorry I I didn't I didn't mean to yeah well you did and enough with your lame apologies okay I mean you sound like a broken record wait a second she had nothing to do with them chess baskets hitting the floors chests baskets Boulder holders Boulder holders look I can do this all day the point is you got to buy these and test-driving before you put them on I mean you don't want to get one get home make your titties all cattywampus good lord makes fellas cross-eyed and whatnot it ain't Christmas right I'm gonna have to ask you to vacate the premises sir wait hold on a second I'm the health inspector what we got here is not food related well it depends according to the C section of the Penal Code lot DS animal under breakers need to be refrigerated sir get out out my heart gave me mine excuse me Hey I'm Larry I'm Jane Cheney team quickly Oh Janey are you okay I didn't cause you any trouble in there did it yeah well I just got fired but um when you think about it I did kind of deserve it really don't tell me I got you fired no oh thank god she said I was lazy and irresponsible unreliable well those sound like the story of my life too Larry where have you been I've been looking all over for you oh I'm sorry I know I didn't even throw up I'm not an in Peter this is my partner I'm sorry I'm really I'm not like partnerpartner' not like he gay partners he worked under me we know I mean no I don't damn it you're always butting in and kind of funny your last name is buckling so you're kind of butting in Joe Joe bhikshu made the top ten I don't know that all city top judges big deal made a lot of reference in that you know start it with three hundred three hundred four tendons but only one king okay I'm pulling for you should you know I am you know what you dream big it's like your name big just so you know when I went angle right Artie forget all my friends I never won a damn thing you know what I'm gonna do with that two hundred and fifty thousand dollars hopefully get me four new truck back oh man come on shit hook a brother up player now I'm gonna open up big shoots all across the country finally get whitey over my back yeah you John why you gotta call us why D all the time I mean I was pretty racialist he didn't wait that's my landlords name why did Johnson he just as black as me I'm just sayin tell you what though you got some balls getting in that old city big chef Turner let me need some good restaurants in there you know that big ball my grandpa he got stung by a bee right down there and the testicular sumbitches swolled up I mean they was infected look like he's sitting on a beanbag chair of the time I went over to his house we're updating my testicle tourniquet a testicle tourniquet yeah we're okay Forster catcher I can do this all day Larry here uh done here there are few items that require your attention in the back hey I'm gonna go to bat you might gotta take the Browns to the Super Bowl hey Larry the men's room is out of TP this is old a bit wife and paper I need right here nice yeah we've known that that's teamwork right there buddy appreciate you coming down let me help you out with your berry don't be an asshole where my arms aren't paralyzed oh hey I'm just trying to help that that's not new partner working out for you don't even talk about Butler I promised myself tonight but Minh is staying out of the conversation what pisses me off about but you see that program from Sesame Street Burton I read them in fetters you see them that was a team all right they got all the work done yeah dad dad gone fun button he's too uptight he's loud he's gross he's rude he urinated in a thermos on the way to an inspection I know you think it might be because of some freak accident that Buckland was born that way I probably ought to be a good Christian about it Here I am blessed with square-jawed good looks and firm muscular buttocks good health that's the important with good health gotta have good health nothing else matters shame to have all that and then Butlins got his bug that lives up his ass you're safer you're talking to a guy he feels nothing from the waist down about someone having a bug up their ass it's not that he doesn't know what he's doing I mean when there's a serious cold violation he's quick enough to write it up it's just that he doesn't take the job seriously and it's a serious job come on let me help ya you had a drink on Jack I'm just trying to help Billy just dance Dale oh damn after lunch today he told me there was a brown snake playing peek-a-boo with his butthole I aced bio I do not recall brown snakes check it out I'm so glad we finally came here this place is so amazing the best is yet to come I don't have room for dessert tad I'm not talking about dessert Debbie goldstein will you do me the honor dad what that was the chair just the chair Debbie goldstein oh my god Debbie almost cleaned up phones ringing I'm illegally there there is a name health inspections again are you sure I won't be down here don't touch nuts Jack I'm sorry Eileen here okay somebody take care of him Buckland what Elvis Packard nobody leaves nobody without my say-so now we're gonna need to cordon off dairy what the hell excuse me sir we require a jackets will you go require stickers airy-fairy jothee you don't let me in no you must a ver as a fashion I do ever record fish party of Han Oh ghost busy Saddam did you look Rene in a frame on John T see the flipper one Jane I don't even know you speak Spanish that's pretty good oh you don't waste any time d last time I seen you you was up at the panty store with your hands all over a naked plastic woman George you could say the same thing about me as well I'm going to take some food samples yeah won't you go take your boobs samples she really is true partner partner I just got that huh Wow Wow pretty and smart we do have a lot in common I don't you have an investigation to conduct Oh believe me I'm conducting believe me but the kitchen Larry what are you doing here Oh handled a boss we was on call tonight we got a call about some fertile Jewish folks we responded also I'm working on this little number we're in the black you're out of your league numbnuts I think why don't you go over to sizzler and see if they got enough wet naps yeah that's the ladies come on Berlin wheeze off the case what why padlock wait a minute get a whiff of that that smell familiar yeah yeah it smells like the drops I've used for my shit excuse me oh that's what happens when you put eyedrops in someone's drink it gives them the wicked shit I used to be a barmaid and we do it to customers who stiffed us wait why are you still here boss listen I'm gonna tell you right now this might be a put-up job I think somebody's putting something in the water around here the only thing that's gonna get put up around here it's my foot up your ass if you do not leave immediately that's an order yes sir I know order stop if I don't die oh thanks I know it's a dryer I get boogers all the time no no note that that was my phone number I knew that I would be happy to look into that miss Micelli Thank You mr. haire yeah yes can you pull the file on twilight moments assisted living I want to make sure I'm prepared for the groundbreaking why I could jot down some talking points on Medicare prescription drugs for seniors if that would be helpful oh no it breaks my heart that we can't help these old people anymore I know your reservations are also confirmed for tonight at macelli's Oh Michelle is that my wife just loves the tiramisu it's delicious is there anything else I can do for you mr. mayor maybe there is yes sir would be out of line if I asked you you just rub my shoulders yeah I kind of would about that that's why I didn't ask you if that'll be all oh yes thank you here see you tomorrow what is her problem I'm not happy oh man you got more letters don't worry boss or just allegations I mean look you got a wife it's a my good-looking a couple squirrely kids running around the house I mean that's Belle's real man and my buddy there were rat droppings in the food at Claritas last night now that's our finest five-star restaurant we've never had a complaint about them before this comes chronologically adjacent to last week's incident at led do Coquille leigh who were the french restaurant your emergency call remember well I remember me and a boy here coming up with some hard evidence of foul play but nobody paid us no man for some incomprehensible reason the mayor's office has requested that you specifically you be assigned to investigate the Clarie toes incident that's like the song goes you must have friends in high places no ID friends and low Blazers different so I'm saying look it doesn't matter all right I don't care what kind of strings you pulled this gig screw this one up I'm begging you Larry did the rodent droppings have any specific shape or form I have been working 10 years to build a reputation of Chloe listen to a nice clean respectable joint believe me we sympathize chef carmine I'm assuming you've never had a rodent problem like this in the past rats are you kidding me I mean I'm mortified well guess what you got a whole nest of big mothers Rattus norvegicus Norway rats come over this country from Europe I'd say around 1707 boy there's one thing that concerns me about these here right every kind of rent betta sewer rat or a field rat or a rug rat is basically ignore way right I thought this rat was the same as in my bathroom regular big city ranch however there's one difference here look at the turd cutter on that day look at to clean it is to clean you know stank nothing I only mean one thing that there is a lab rat which means someone planted these rats here exactly who would be Smerch the name of Chloe doe in such a manner who you got enemy I only have friends former employees that are mad at you no ex-wives want to make yourself know nobody know how about strippers that said you'd buy him a new pair of titties cuz you said something he shouldn't said in one night when he was drunk in the bar and then her boyfriend threatened to kill you so you had to change your phone number and even that didn't work very well I'm getting covering the bases this is your idea of evidence the rats butts are too clean that's right answer case is closed however there's just two little teeny pieces of puzzle we need who done it and why you think some isolationist event here's what I think I don't give a rat's ass what you think all right what is so damn hilarious it just said rats at home you know you think that kind of funny I mean consider who we was just talking about rats asses that isn't amusing coincidence what's happened are we following up on a lead let me make a break in the case if that break-in case involves me getting some we just knocked it wide open getting some what oh yeah that's right James I kill where mentor in a role model he's got himself a date with Jane the waitress I'm gonna take her down there to Buffay the best day sounds romantic better than a man's got needs all right I mean you ought to know hell I seen you making goo-goo eyes a big shirt excuse me don't get all defenseless all right I don't care if you swing the other way I mean come on I'm not homeopathic are you really taking her to a buffet at a bus station I mean take her somewhere special she'll never see it coming be burning the midnight oil butter all right leaving later getting to me hey Ironsides I know you're busy I don't interrupt you but listen you're working the five-star beat right you know the one with all the four men using the crippled ramps and whatnot yes I got a date with his girl Jane who's the creme de la creme and get this buttman wants me to take her down there that Buffay by the bus take a buffet on a bus exactly you believe that I want to take her someplace nice so she thinks I'm a classy guy can you help me I'm not a miracle worker well obviously not if you was you got up out of that wheelchair and kick my ass couple weeks ago seriously I need something fancy yeah I might know place macelli's uh hey Jack Dobbs well hello my colleague blaring is coming in tonight take care of mocha I most certainly will I can't forget about a reservation here I think it takes like months to get a table not that I would know I mean I don't really get out that much well door was open when you would like hey dumb partner listen that cold earlier talk to Francois Antonio something rather but they ad save me a couple seat down here I don't think so sir well I'm sure they did and looking a little fancy but I am right there oh that's you yes Denzel Washington yeah own denzel's leaf and alarm service you know what y'all come down there you look like a guy that would appreciate getting blowed it's okay you don't have to eat here we actually that's Denzel Washington how dare you this man is a hard-working public servant and you have the audacity to put him down like that I didn't know it was him so mr. mayor please accept my sincere apologies I'll take you to your table I'm sure you will hey lady come on back I'm hungry I could eat the bird all out of us come I dropped my balls I'll give you fillers balls don't drop Billy 65 Larry do you think I'm jelly are you doing fine thank you under full Larry this is Lily Miceli Miss Makaveli how are you very well thank you yeah yeah you run a nice restaurant in here let me ask you something you got one of them toilets where chief cold water up your crap uh when I when I heard that a member of our health department had been mistreated by one of our staff I was appalled I don't worry about that I wouldn't let myself in either not even if somebody were to slip me a 50 not even name oh well there's a very generous of you now I I would really hope that you would accept something from our premium wine cellar oh that's the fancy stuff yeah fill her up she living in the big time now no wonder you making money just taste the wine okay well I did good I feel so comfortable with you you know what other than my under bridge is creeping up on me I feel pretty comfortable right me too I know I probably should have told you this before but I didn't think we'd wait I'd live with someone sort of well add figures a guy like me doesn't end up with a piece of nice wonderful intelligent career minded woman such as yourself I knew there had to be a catch somewhere what is it okay if if I let you in you just have to promise not to be judgmental shoot I've seen some twist and stuff all right whatever you got going in here believe me I can handle I remember one time I had a cottage cheese Larry this is my mom nice to meet you ma'am mom Larry works for the health inspection unit as what a warning sign eat right or you'll end up looking like this piece of shit she's a little shy around new people shy oh man I love sassy fat jack ah look at this silver tongue bastard trying to sweet-talk me like I'm stirred cousin [Laughter] baby Pabst Blue Ribbon my kind of girl right there so um how did you become a health inspector I mean working for the government it must be so exciting well I got a day keeping people from blowing chunks and crapping on themselves is pretty much all I ever been good at I mean nobody really knows the responsibilities I carry around but but you must have dreams and aspirations well I got a day I don't really have a lot of dreams had one couple weeks back after I left the bar and had some that skunky beer oh yeah what was it Oh big giant woman made out of moon pies look a lot like Lulu from hee haw I don't have that dream about her no more though mmm who do you turn them down down a little bit smaller girl looks a little bit like you in a Moonpie bikini any chance you didn't hear that uh-huh that's not Paula cuz I got a run to toilet oh my stomach ain't felt this bad since I didn't face dates out of the vending machine at the Phillips sixty-six down the hall the first door on your left is everything all right in there you sure are you sure you're okay yeah might need a shot back in there but I'm doing pretty good well yeah it's it's getting kinda late but not too late for a man and a woman to get to know one another let me tell you something when I've seen you through the winter down here at the panty store I said to myself I said self that's you're someone right there ooh I bet that left a mark time sounds like you got something honking for the ride away yeah it is getting kind of late maybe you oughta leave okay 99 I'm gonna pay some this ain't no coincidence I mean this whole thing's been planned and organized I wouldn't be surprised to some bitches pre-medicated what are you saying the crimes I mean it's the same mojo operandi evidently somebody's got a grudge against high-class hoity-toity residents like a pressure group of angry vegans or maybe it's PETA damn it but then you mean to tell me you know the name of the guy and you haven't even told anybody People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals ah you're talking crazy talk now I tell you what we get a reservation less from all the poison reference will find our poisoning it's certainly one way to go but we do need a back-up plan a back-up plan buzzing let me ask you something did Patton need a backup plan at Gettysburg did watch a caller have a backup playing down there Custer's last stand with the Mexican or better yet did my friend Donny have a back-up plan when he shaved his pubes with a rusty kitchen knife okay go back glad we understand each other okay there you are our entire database at your disposal database right and my last month's reservations are in a separate folder oh cool you got a folder all right now look I'll leave you here to your investigation I've got an appointment with my crab supplier yeah an appointment with mine a couple weeks ago she denied everything out of being on Lana a big bowl or 23 you bring out freaking me and handcuffs left our mark get a good look mom I didn't know you was here this way I were air all right I'm with the health department that's my bad right there huh maybe you are who you say you are maybe you are you stayed here what the hell are you exactly I make sure macelli's is free of undesirables we have a lot in common man let me ask you something what do you find is the best way to get rid of Raptor take a walk crumb cop he was so ugly she coulda trick-or-treating over the telephone I wasn't scared of them I was scared for come down piledrivers the bionic elbow on some play on ik elbow for pete's sake don't tell me you don't watch wrestling not so much gummit but little what kind of man are you I was unable to find any matches between the reservation list at Clarie toes and Linda Kuk heel and you couldn't find anything in the cellies found something all right find out Oh Lilly maturely in his frame and proper as she makes up yeah she's a regular girls gone wild with them dirty email how does that help us know how it helped you but it helped me and my decision on getting one in computers larry's the name health inspectors again no are you serious don't touch nothing I'll be right there ohdon't berlin make sure we got the right address are you kidding me now guess there's really nothing wrong it's so a few people got sick just a few all right so maybe some people vomited in the parking lot maybe there was something wrong with the way the food was prepared to see famous soldiers now the all city's just around the corner we went to great expense he bring you man like a casting call for Zorro the gay blade in here that's good at him love this I did not wait to call him this fancy restaurant is dropping like flies big Suge well now has a chance at winning the all-city now that all the competition has fallen victim to mysterious outbreaks of food poisoning but Len don't you even say what I think your fiction to say well the motives right there what a pepper sugar it's right in front of your face and you don't want to see it you want to close your eyes and pretend it's not happening that's what he said you think big sugar can't possibly be guilty because he's a friend of yours oh you know how I spend my days not at the gay bar at for sure I spend them reassuring the people of the city that the outbreak of poisonings is under control that the department's on top of it that people don't have to worry when they go out to eat at their favorite restaurants sir we had a lead that we were pursuing vigorously unfortunate quiet Butlin the only reason you're on this case is to help me get this gun-toting redneck fire gun towed wait a second I ain't got guns no more I got rid of when Donny broke into my truck and shot himself in the nuts Donny who who the hell is Donny he's my semi retarded neighbor every might be full-blown retarded I figured it out yeah good kiddo you know here telly just got a job down there at the theater strip and take it sweeping floors and whatnot baby's doing pretty up the city attorney tells me your one legitimate infraction away from having your ass tossed out on the street I want you to go out there and bring me back results without breaking any rules or you're done end of story and Larry and my intuition and ability to follow the top prize so we go until the owners of the office Kingdom that a brilliant mixture of Science and Mathematics has determined their the next likely victims we go until the fatted calf that's it define a gap but we don't we did an undercover agent to do that's a great idea I'll do it Oberlin let's now know how to tell you this all right so I'm just gonna come out and say it you're not exactly undercover material that leaves yet but imagine if you will we're more than Isis traffic in the city right here for sake argument let's call it Larry hello welcome to little Larry I'm Amelia your server may I interest you two in a selection from our wine cellar the 91 Cabernet Sauvignon would be great good choice okay right now Donny I'm working look good my god is he okay yeah don't worry about him he does that all the time Oh remember when he got in his fart contest a long time ago when they was huge farting song Jimmy crack corn and you got a little Larry can we get back on point here please thank you well look at the little feller we got waitress and honors hey little feller why don't you run again it's one of them nice Boone's Farm wines you don't matter what flavor we're not picky here today it's the stupidest thing ever Larry is a classy place okay we don't serve Boone farm dammit but people been drinking Boone's Farm wine in this country ever since the Lord cometh over here on the Mayflower over a hundred years ago Jane I'm sorry I had to get involved in a gigantic waste of time Larry I have a case to work come on she was trying but Bartlett what location you're wrong you is wrong but you know what you got balls you got balls and that's what it takes to be health inspector thanks Larry damn right but I bequeath to you this microphone cord and ear plug so you can go undercover in the health department there's two Roger nine two battling battling is this on can you hear me battling Berlin turn your microphone testing testing you need to be a chameleon Blandon good lord what happened how about you're a bull in a china shop in there hello sir for tonight's specials we have sauteed Trini with beef ballonets peacock kale and parmesan I understand you have a particularly impressive squab think about baseball can't believe you're the only fellow get a jelly on another company damn it I am a woman I have breasts they may not be especially large but they're perky and my nipples the cat box for god sake I cannot do this of course you can't it's just a little yes just a little sprinkle here you're asking me to poison the food that I took so long to prepare from no shit not at all if I do this no one was ever known right Larry did you hear that Larry thank you think were you eavesdropping on my conversation no are you with press no the mind said tonight you have brought shame to our family grunting yourself in front of the imperialists right leaving me to do nothing but then to myself at the half with nothing but a go for company you heard all that right are you got it on tape right God so what are we gonna do we're doing a nail the man is going down faster than a bottle of vicodin to Courtney Love's house you I have died and gone to Larry head look at that 10-point but congratulations son I pat you on the back but you shot me on the neck a talking buck I never seen done like that I didn't come on jukebox will play me a song hot babe Kid Rock got the boat full of gas cooler full of beer let's go kick some ass good lord the Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich I'm gonna fish with Kid Rock hey Larry sure you don't want to catch something a little hotter Jade nice rod she said rod the major dilemma here one hand Kid Rock wants to take me fish but on the other hand I got a Jane who's a girl and apparently I want to get naked with me in a biblical way what'd you do gonna have to make this decision on your own come on Larry what are you queer the deer makes a good point he doesn't that go on there and you you [Applause] man there's no me good day I'm just saying there's a case for exercising caution I'm saying there's a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon right back here in the back that I'm going to open up and we put the mare away and they know what you can't have any of it if you keep talking about gather more evidence I just think that here's what you need to be thinking about you need to be thinking about a cool little catchphrase to say when we get you gotta have a cool catchphrase I mean it's in the rule book like that time I busted that chef at the Golden Goose for dealing drugs in the kitchen I said your goose is cooked so what do we say to the back we're from the health department and we'd like to talk to you do you what better than off I'll handle the cage free how do you answer charges that you've been an ineffective mayor that you've mainly devoted yourself to finding ways to contribute to your own bank account well everyone knows that I'm a tireless campaigner for this city the people they know what kind of man I tell it's okay I know these people anything I could do to help to help apart let's get a picture picture you poison all dem restaurants you know what you is you're a damn restaurant poisoning man we have evidence that you're behind the incidents at LeDoux Coquille flurry tows a bottle and macelli's yeah just what she said every one of evidence incidents I don't know what you're talking about – turn that thing off don't know what we's talking about maybe this little tape recorder I got refresh your memory a little bit leaves a bad taste in your mouth don't not as good as golden goose was it good that was chef Leon I was asking him to garnish my chicken piccata with French's mustard but he's such perfectionist he said no he didn't want to ruin his masterpiece French's mustard chicken for coders you're a drowning man Merrigan rather man chef Leon it's American chef Leon Larry health inspector yeah I'm up here with your partner in crime soon-to-be-ex Merrigan he is singing like an autistic choirboy at American Idol told me the whole story yeah oh really so that French's mustard really tastes that good on no kid yeah no no oh I don't feel like an idiot at all no where no Murph aggregates huh oh yeah we were just talking about our tastes stuff good and all that yeah I gotta go this is hard to swallow don't worry about it Bethan we'll be all right no no that was my cool catchphrase it's hard hard to swallow swallow ins impeded chef Leon Miss America chef Leon all right sink nice work Jane this is the guy you were thinking about letting in your pants huh looks like he has trouble getting into his own pants oh my god shut up already mom enough the man you accused the mayor you had no evidence all right that veil I might have been indigestion actually you've been an embarrassment to this department a long time now you're officially a liability oh that's harsh I wore the wire it wasn't his fault I thought the mayor was guilty too this was your first assignment you're like guilty a secondhand stupidity Mumbai I actually got fired that's some bitch all I've done for this company that is officially a sucky day whatever it is it can't be so bad a play the chicken and waffles can't make it go away you don't even know I even deep-fried the coleslaw just the way you like you man sugar screwed up I lost my thing your virginity no I lost that when I was worth back riding when I was 10 you know I lost my nose for the truth that's what I did you know what you laugh when I tell you this but I actually thought at one point time that you was the one behind all the food poisons at these raster's you know laugh about this in the morning you you you you you you hi Larry hey Donny thank the Lord hey you in place of all you have misrepresented a deeply loved public official dickweed Larry Larry open the door where do you want your backstabbing backstabber you're drunk well I may be drunk but in the morning I'll be sober and you'll be a backstabbing backstabber but tomorrow I'll still be drunk hey while you just go right over your buddy Tamara Larry open this door I'm gonna call the police and have them break it down you're a diverse woman make that dress hurry are the first one to make that dress Guinea uh-huh get me the police hello police hello I'm standing outside 114 Sycamore Street another lie won't tell you what lies just fall out of your mouth like stuffed and falls out of people's Mountain when a lie Larry what are you talking about I've never lied to you have her oh you are so bust Jane that's even your real name Jane I mean I seen you canoodling with the mayor watch his toes oh good do you even know what canoodling means yes I didn't know canoodle two canoodle ah you are an idiot you know what I may be but tomorrow you'll still be an idiot Amy called me she told me what happened she she didn't believe the mayor wasn't involved so she asked me to go on a date with him to see if I could get him to do or say anything incriminating okay you get it Dyess damn girl who got into you well you're fired up Rosie O'Donnell at the titty bar I don't know listen listen the mayor gave me this he told me to expect a hot personal message from him of course I gave big baller 23 a fake address who big baller 23 that's his honors super-secret address for his super secret little affairs with super stupid girls big boner 23 Larry big bottle 23 now we're getting somewhere well hope you got good insurance man this puncture did a number on your truck are you serious not much money I put in a day dress are you kidding me so wait they didn't even touch you Hey what are the odds of this somebody steal your truck and it looks good as new it's unbelievable you know what that is that's a miracle from the Lord Jesus himself I'm gonna start going to church every Sunday cuz of this except for next Sunday cuz I got a fishing tournament don't I know you from somewhere I got that kind of face people are always getting me confused with guys that cheated on their wives in the portal at Daytona Beach during the Budweiser Shootout about 4 o'clock in the afternoon no no no I know where it is macelli's yeah that's it yeah my wife and I went there the other day for dinner yeah you were there I couldn't get it the mayor stood up for you that's cool yeah how was that very much Alex let me ask you this how long did it take you to hit the mylanta bottle after you got sick up there huh from the food after you got sick on the food I didn't get sick yeah now we have friends join us later they didn't get sick either that's Anderson expecting somebody else Larry this is ridiculous look around I got security man all over this park one false move from you you'll be handcuffing you to the bench will that give us something else in common wouldn't it big baller 23 I don't know what you're talking about but your wife it no please don't upset my wife Larry is there anything I could do for you I could use some free rental um bowling shoes on Saturday I could do that what does that have to do with you recommending me for the fancy restaurant meat yes someone did recommend you but I had nothing to do with it who did it no no Kevin with the shirt it's a Donald Trump are you kidding me I didn't even know where they don't correct wait a minute who did it Lily Miceli the owner of the restaurant yeah seems like the mayor animo Charlie we're making a little weenie linguini and she asked him to recommend you for the five-star restaurant beat that's right notice when I got the gate she stopped billing his back doing his pickle look I could do this all day why would Lily Miceli want the mayor to put Larry on the job because she wanted a sucker that's right and when she couldn't find one she got me you have right Berlin huh look at it you thought big chick was the one knocking out all the competition right idea wrong poisoner I always knew he was innocent no justjust wait Larry when we ate at macelli's we got sick remember my mom was still not go near that bathroom and she got a regrouting that reminds me tell your mom I need to go down there to housewares and pick her up some new kitty cat details Larry we need evidence we've IQ someone else and I'm wrong again I might and black me but when you have done a tremendous job and I don't need your risking your neck no more this is my problem I'm gonna clean it up how you can't go anywhere near Lily or the all-city without Tatlock going ballistic we'll see about that the prize two hundred and fifty thousand dollars but more than just money the all-city is the Super Bowl of cook-offs once there were ten now there are two a strange controversial series of events has left us with big hugs tasty chicken and waffles and macelli's a classic David versus Goliath showdown judging tonight's event is the reigning Miss tri-county some you channel 13 food critic Ted Bailey and star of Leave It to Beaver Jerry Mathers and last but certainly not least the finest mayor this city has ever had please put your hands together for the Honorable mayor Morris Teague on thank you [Applause] on an undercover a filter can live or die by the credibility of his disguise we think smelly yeah I knew they looked too much like Russell Crowe on it miss Micelli mr. Suge you know what your mission is to make a starter fit for a king in three minutes are you ready let's go and we're off ladies and gentlemen the moment we've all been waiting for it's uptown versus downtown the boxer versus the puncher high society versus high cholesterol holy Coke nails Batman Larry how's the coming in there do you think think it makes me look fat you're under arrest you is under arrest for violation code 9 freeze mu kitty now you're right I don't like but Shelly a vision of loveliness here's to you mrs. Robinson gotta tell you I need big hugs underwear if he dips it in batter and dropped it in grease I don't know smelly I don't think they're gonna buy into this ridiculous outfit Hey folks you have to wonder how does Miceli stay so poised and where did shook find that much lime green fabric be that as it may round one has come to an end the crown is on the edge of their seats ripe with anticipation five four three two one what's the over-under on that okay I'll take two dives on you okay golly gee that's pretty high folks you can cut the tension with a knife judges have you reached the decision the beep appears to be phoning this one in yes we have we award they start around two big jugs tasty chicken and waffle Down Goes Miceli big slug delivers a big upset and the crowd loves it look at him we can't get enough of this guy Oh thatΓ­s part of surprise kuku mathur get picture together there you have it folks big so clearly the underdog comes out swinging that's fantastic that's just fantastic my breastesses let's have a big hand for four big shook clearly the dark point to this event so far clearly the underdog winner next round Oh food from the ironist I was born you that's what you think because he's joking he's here because he's a joke that's why he's winning because you got lazy you got complacent oh shut up unibrow I've gotten rid of the rest of the competition here we'll just drop Megan's grease right game over Larry this is hard to swallow good good catchphrase no fries healthy porked fries you're going down you piece of crap not me I'm a floater do you know what this is 80 cc's of ipecac in a bowl – sir – model 25 a plastic disposable syringe no it's the same poison I use to ruin the reputation of every four-star restaurant in this town now it's gonna go straight up your ass okay don't mess with the city clang oh I think I hurt my nuts anything he want to say to me boss or should I say confess confess are you out of your mob you is in on this thing all for me begin when I show that Barret macelli's you add her give me the squirts man a very Christian especially on a night when I was fitna gets up on a first date I don't think so if you never heard me do my song turns up me and Jane was the only ones that got sick up here and it turns out there's only one person who no persona told Jack dad to send me down there it Miceli that was you that's right that was you hello thanks America brazen Lord Harry he was never really Hindi Butlin why do you gotta be such a dadgum atheist I mean here you have a feller that rose up out of a wheelchair you bring shame on all of us I stopped that wannabe grip I'll just try it in Don crippled well Berlin we know Lily and an ugly shit fuck she had an ungrateful Matthew yeah hey the Adam's apple you hit me in the Adam's apple hurt don't my granddaddy taught me that you caused this department a lot of embarrassment Larry well you saved it some too well I guess that makes you some bad even right there now we're even does that mean that I get my job back I will act like the past few weeks never happened one more thing though a promotion don't push your luck Wow not for me for the for the girl hey man you told me she was he listen I'm not asking for a raise or a bigger office or nothing all I wants a little respect every now and then and when I say every now and then I mean now you did a good job today thank you don't you ever get ready to get to I'm just kidding I know you ain't a flipper so what happens next well figured on Maundy we'd head down there to sakamoto joint give him a hard time he loves that then let's go to the Greek Raskin check for eyebrow hair in Heroes oh hey dudes see almond partner see you Monday parks so what was it that um you said about a song oh yeah song mm-hmm if we get into it ain't no you know this bit I'm gonna sing it you'll be putty in my hands okay come on hmm all right that's what you want to do is singing songs I guess well they'll oh no I'm gonna be down there don't touch nuts my troubling golden goose I know Jane and I want to stay but let me explain something to you this world is full of moles and creepy crawlies and me lose and damn it Jane I'm the health inspector okay when you come back give it a 50 a come on cushion I'm goddamn now that sounded dirty a turd they give you privacy people just say it right there get er done okay there's me I'll get her dad Oh her because they were afraid that the Sun on these rides would be too strong and without the proper protection I seen those get these like second-degree burns but you're here you're here to protect me oh you know let's go to the other ride with the animals in the balloon where you pop the balloons and then you get a stuffed animal of some sort you can choose that to what and what you want you can choose an anyway one I don't have to choose it one might wonder to see because there's like a tiger I've always wanted Tiger come on Donny can I have both awesome no retarded dude you mess with my wallet what's up with that again that's my woman damn right it's rude day why don't you get down you have a kitchen boy please don't don't don't worry though he's definitely not your fault I mean I was bound to get fired from that job I'm not really cut out for you what the hell well douche me with dishwater ain't this a turd in the punchbowl he said today that he wrote someone up for a Richard Gere offense because his back door wasn't rodent proof we do not recall a richer of your ordinance and I was first in my class check the archives with a hell of a plan attacking your each and every day it goes off to work and his flannel shirt preach it to the home and you can hear it George your mom that big booth say it boys get followers who offers Oh popper stick stuck to their trucks and cars they went boom analogy Oh nice a big movie star get our done I love it when a girl in you know we don't really remember mr. chair [Applause] [Applause] procrastinate like mowing the grass and losing weight and dragging your sister away from the buffeted line and you need that time at the grill Barr's dragon bear watch a scarce don't let another minute pass you by just yes sale [Applause] [Applause] so true funny how it seems always on time but never in mind for dreams head over heels went toe to toe this is the same this is the same I bought a ticket to the world but now I've come back again where do I find it hard to write the next line but I want the truth to be see

35 Comments

  1. Now this is a quality film

  2. I'm definitely a redneck πŸ˜‚πŸ˜ˆπŸ’€πŸ˜‚πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ˜‚πŸ’€πŸ˜ˆπŸ’€

  3. LOL

  4. What a stupid movie.
    And I like it

  5. Die Jesus Die Die God Die

  6. 1:09:23 be careful the shirt it's a donald Trump you kidding me I didn't even know he had his own collection LMAO LOL that was laughing look who's president 13 years after this movie

  7. 39:14 listen apologize I gotta run to the toilet my stomach ain't felt this bad since I had those fish sticks out of the vending machine at the the Phillips 66 LMAO LOL πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  8. πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

  9. Fuck yeah

  10. Funny how he calls her a boy ,Β  when in real life that is just another deceptive transgender MAN in Hollywood. Its name is Brook DillmanΒ  and it has huge shoulders, hands, neck ,Β  etcΒ Β  Trannies are easy to spot after a few transvestigations ,Β  do one today !

  11. 26:58 & 26:57 are the best parts

  12. LMAO Larry and his date get too her house and both end up on the toilet OMG that was funny

  13. Did I love this Movie….Fun! Funny! Some great Cameos! The pairing of Iris Bahr as his Sidekick was really excellent casting….The comment about the Donald Trump Shirt was hilarious….What a fun Movie Night I just had!

  14. there's one were he has to get his kid a bear for Christmas he and the stepdad try to compete for the best Christmas for the kid it's a good one but I don't remember the name of the movie?

  15. This my be a stupid question but Larry's boss is from back to the future?

  16. Haven't laughed that much in ages! Great movie! Thanks for the upload! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  17. "I was born here"

    "That's what you think"

    πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  18. Oh my god let me tell

  19. You don't want me eating that next to an open flame

  20. β€œI dropped my balls”

  21. Wish we could comment on the ads….

  22. Tow Mater brought me here I’m here for Mater lol πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  23. I love this movie its runny

  24. This was humorous but.. I didn't LMAO out loud until part he said unibrow lady was so ugly she scares everybody trick or treating over the telephone.. and now thats pretty bad considering most phones esp back in day were not videochat cell phones!!

  25. Getter done 2019

  26. Audio cuts out during music scores…
    Who else thinks YouTube is stepping on it own copyright dick?

  27. Only boy undercover and gets a chubby

  28. Only boy undercover and gets a chubby

  29. 2019 anyone ?

  30. You ever farted so hard your back cracked! Hahaha lol

  31. Wenei luginan

  32. Dickweed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. Damit buttlin respect the larry mobile

  34. The larry mobile I want you to respect the larry mobile

  35. Hey everyone does Larry's boss look like biff from back to the future????????

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