Episode 86 – Gym Tickles



what's up guys welcome to TMZ podcasts this is actually last week's episode if you want today's episode that'll be on our patreon right now you can get it a week early if you contribute its patron calm tiny meet gang so thanks if you do that and if not enjoyed this one who's hey guys just a quick house could we don't we don't support eugenics okay that was not the point of the bit alright just get that out of the way right up front okay we're not into eugenics okay we're just too dumb guys that were joking about having a boot lock-on on your cock and getting a government ID to bust another yeah just some dystopian Fifth Element bullshit yeah alright we're not here to promote eugenics exactly okay glad that's cleared up yeah new episode of Wagner have you seen it have you seen it no a whole new season it's a whole new season or it's like new whatever okay which apps are you talking about episode 1 okay everyone and our community section on patreon was like you guys have to watch it why do you want to spoil it well I mean like just tell me like the concept or some white no dude it's like someone was like dude this is one of your sketches come to life and I watched it I was howling I was crying laughing I haven't laughed that hard in a long fucking time dude really it's just something that we've said before it's like definitely something that we would come up with this is the one that Miley Cyrus is in I saw her okay well this isn't an anthony mackie and i dude from the marvel universe he um i played the character with the wings hold up let me pull up this way oh do you think you'll watch it yeah definitely five minutes I ever went tweeting about it god dammit yes Anthony Mackie um credit to him and the other I don't want to get his name right whole oh I want to get the other actors name cuz they both did an amazing job playing that's it I mean everyone really but Anthony Mackie and the other dude was um goddammit Yaya Abdul Mateen okay yeah heavy ass name but they they killed it and basically got David's eye here's the premise is he like it with the premise then it just why how does that ruin eight anything I mean will ruin it for you ease now also watch it hey don't tell me how it ends well how can you not fuck it I wish you watched it this is such a blue ball and I are gonna want can you pull up this synopsis yeah yeah yeah okay now here it is it it's two friends that grew up together okay they they reconvene later in life at eleven years later auntie Maggie's character it's his birthday okay and and his buddy pulls up and they used to play a fighting game called striking Vipers okay so it is only pulls avenues ia man I got you something for your birthday and it's striking Vipers X and he's like whoa and then he's like and he looks at he goes whoa wait but this one needs the VR attachment I don't have that and he goes yeah you too bro he's like well you got me the VR attachment oh thank you this is a movie yeah yeah so then um so that's a that's as far as I can really get it they fight each other for real oh yeah so you figure this shit out so like I give you one set is spoiler spoiler alert I'll give you one sense oh you're gonna figure out the whole shit so they go into VR to play the game right but when they go in it like it takes over your whole body you know I'm saying I feel everything yeah okay right okay so this punches jerking each other off well one of them is a girl one of them picks a girl character Oh so they fuck each other but not not at the birthday party right oh no no we're discuss the guests yeah party they're just sitting there watching them use the thing for the first time like they're all sitting there like oh my god they haven't played this game together for 11 years this is so cute they both from the couple's is one of them just starts sucking the other day and they're both dude they have these shots of them laying on the couch like with the VR shit in just like this and like their eyes are just glowing and they're fully in it dude I was dying bro it was like the student film version of call me by your name dude you have to watch the whole thing though there are scenes in there they had me dying like dude black marriages running out of ideas I know so I feel this was gonna say he's like I feel like the last season is like what if technology was bad now it's like what if it's to honey what if it's kind of sexy sometimes bro dude it's called striking vipers I like it hit me afterward I'm like that's the coolest euphemism for that really is slap yeah yeah a fool I got this VR thing for you that's sick dog yeah we should play this game for sure I'm gonna be the girl feel me what up what's up fucking dude it gets deeper though and it's yo Loki you're kind of bad your character I guess is you fuck you didn't touch my Viper any day I was tweeting about it and I deleted him now to reply to it she was like a full hit me up let's run – I was on striking so what else is like as you and Spock when you get a victory royal I'm like now ladies just gonna think that's what we're doing when we play for night yeah I don't know I need one more game again why you guys all dress like girls no reason it's don't just please go it's easier because we don't discriminate so you can still be good at the game if you're a girl why don't you need the VR attachment for fortnight just building is easier yeah like you can like see through the cracks yeah buildings yeah it's whatever I can see you can see your homies crack yeah what's up what's up nothing you can build a box and just lock your homie in the box and just you guys making out in the but what's up that's it dude that'd be funny as fuck for tonight in Abel's VR just like walk up til one by one like doing like a sex emo it's like not actual sex like one of them's doing like this motion yeah you just hear two guys in there oh hell yeah man yeah yeah don't stop bro I'm not gonna I'm not gonna don't stop I'm not gonna rocket feet on me on me how he said you have to watch it like yeah well tomorrow we had a show thanks to everyone who came to the show yeah thanks you will receive your your promo code in due time mm-hmm okay just we're working that out right well basically I can't even talk about the hoop we have to get through for that mm-hmm but it's coming in due time it was a good show it was fun some shit bomb some shit crush as always mm-hmm I mean you to our other warm-up show that one felt way stronger oh did it yeah okay remember the last one our second one and it was fine but we were all that one was all over the place that was truly like a ton of spitballs at a wall yeah this one was like we had you know more like darts like we knew what we were trying to do yeah with each bit yeah I think I think gives us a better idea of how we should evolve things moving on a present like in and gave me a good idea of like how we should structure things yeah yeah I like the new structure way better yeah and Stowe yeah so we were speaking about this very vaguely so you guys come to an actual show yeah tiny meet or comb yeah we got Milwaukee coming up yeah Grand Rapids coming up mm-hmm and then we got mini mini so to Minneapolis yeah and one of the minis we got a Minnie Mouse coming up Oh Minneapolis yeah and then in August it's Canada cooky so we still got a check today we still got Edmonton tickets available the early show in Calgary Winnipeg yeah and Fargo in Des Moines yeah but I mean both Vancouver shows are sold out both Toronto shows are sold out late Calgary shows sold out yeah but I mean we're pretty like you know look at that boy sit close to cap on all the other rooms – mmhmm so so run out and grab it take it y'all yeah I'm excited just a lot of a lot of things coming up it's been a crazy past like two three weeks I'm fuckin tired this farted shit I'm beat yeah well what the hell else was we gonna talk about I was just prepared to like go in on striking fight for it it's so funny dude I mean just just to do it I'll watch it anyways I don't know man it'll be way better after you watch okay yeah it says this yeah we'll get away more miles out of it so we'll come back to that one yeah what the fuck else that I watched last night I finished her no but you haven't started that know that it's like it's a miniseries but it it follows pretty closely to like what actually happened in turn Obul pretty wild man okay pretty fucking crazy dude when you like you think about yeah when you never really think about Chernobyl but it's like but it's pretty wild pretty sick I'm pretty sick yeah not like that like in the head oh yeah like yeah totally here's another black mirror episode dude goes to Chernobyl and grows a second dick no he gets like a radioactive bite on his dick and it just gets insanely huge okay yeah first it's like the dream of having a huge cock but then it just keeps getting bigger and bigger it's a he becomes a giant dick like a literal like his dick grows into an organism and absorbs his body he's a giant walking dick yeah that's good I think that's really good it's put in a museum and his consciousness is alive but he can't speak because it's a giant penis it's called giant Viper yeah funny Oh fucking love island did you start watch it no why why not I fucked oh because of everything yeah yeah you're watching fucking Chernobyl and black marriage shit I just did all that ladies love island all right you watch great so far okay you watch striking Vipers I watch love island this weekend dude everyone keeps saying I look like this dude on the show but it's like everyone's descriptions are like yeah if you were 200 pounds six feet tall yeah if I was a totally physically different person I'd be this guy the mostly we have in common is we both have black fucking hair that's it it's like a shit confident wait which one I don't know he's got black hair and he's is he's tatted no he's like tall and buff his shit he's like legit like 200 pounds yeah let me Nate fucking all our dude yeah is he the boxer you know I don't know I don't know anything about the okay contestants a yeah it's I don't know it's pretty fucking good so far yeah they're so good at picking just assholes like it like a no but like a good mixture yeah like there's this one girl she's a fucking bitch yeah she's just down to her core a fucking bitch and I hate watching her but like you like that gets you emotionally invested in the show cuz me and Kelsey are both sitting there like you should be off the show yeah I hate you yeah I hate you yeah but that it's like I want to see what she does yeah I want to see how what she says next she fucking sucks if you should be off the show but like let's see what's up with her let's let's let's boost her entire career yeah yeah let's see let me just gonna follow her on Instagram this is like see what the fuck you know well couch bitchy shit she's put yeah exactly just see what kind of stupid shit she puts out such a bitch I love her yeah you know you know what inevitably happens as those people they quote love being like the villain until they get a million followers and they get thousands of comments a day being like you should die and you're like well hold on yeah okay I just okay I just said the guy had a small day and that's when they start preaching positivity and like be positive this negativity all the time and then everyone's like you're fucking negative stupid oh you want to be positive now you weren't very positive when you told Mike he had a tiny penis well he does evident Venus no yeah well you're a fucking bitch and there's like the one like timid girl she's 26 she's never had a boyfriend before and everyone's like why why that's so weird she's so pretty and then she just like kind of starts being a little bit weird yeah everything like oh okay yeah okay cool just like just cooks hard-boiled eggs one morning no not even she's just like but plops halfway in her mouth says no no eat raw just like everyone else is making breakfast scrambled eggs drinking coffee and she just choose one raw and just walks away and everyone's like did you know she like a bird no it's totally saying you don't have to cook it it's wait and she starts eating mud and clay because it's good for your teeth I was like wow she's like one of those like Russian choc eating accounts mmm no one knows it yeah just pulls that up fuckin a bag of choc Olympic rock size choc yeah my strange addiction yeah it's it's not good for you but it's not bad for you either oh there was she the girl she said that her inner like interview she said her biggest turnoff is a one I doesn't like a guy who she wants a guy who's devoted right and then she I want him to a cut to the dude that she got coupled up with he goes yeah I've got a little bit of a wandering eye I can't lie awesome so fucking good at this yeah awesome so good if that ain't scripted or I thought they're just gonna cut to some fool like out of Harry Potter like mad-eye moody he's got a literal like I on a swivel yeah yeah I can't believe it doesn't look strike oil what's wrong with that dude that's basically this other girl that's a total bitch awesome she's telling she's she coupled up with this one dude and they're like they're like he's like trying to flirt with her like just give music just give me something right he's sitting there being charming and being all nice and he's like you really you look really good no sunglasses like I just yeah I look at all pairs of sunglasses and he's like yeah me too I guess and she's like really no there's no way wow those don't even look good on you Wow without even a hint of a smile Wow and he's like huh come on I mean like I don't like that badge again I see it bitch Wow oh man you're a bitch that's alright that's like one of those were worse than a bitch you're I'm thinking oh oh a bundt cake okay you're a bundt cake you fucking bundt that's Jake Paul's person and c-word don't be a little bun dude dog that's one of those on a show like I mean neither of us would ever get cast on a show like that we're not tall enough but I actually now that you mentioned that one of those one of these dudes walked in and it was two guys came in at the same time it was like you know where they add two more guys yeah and so they came in at the same time and one was like a foot taller than the other one like all my boy short king yeah finally they got a short king on the show yeah and then you and he's like all he's like jacked and shit and but like well whatever he's short you know that gives us some hope and and they had an interview with one of the people on this show and they were they go yeah you know Joe's a boxer he's real fit you know he's six – and he's really real big I was like he's oh he's not short I know he's six – ooh – six six yeah yeah he's an Adonis even fucking bigger that's just hilarious they want to stand next to people like that I'm like you just fucking get the fuck out of here that's that's when I start believing in guns I'm like you know I need a damn gun this motherfucker right here give me the damn gun there's a dude though that goes to Gold's he's like one of the guys that stands outside of Muscle Beach okay it's paid to just stand there I was just huge he's fucking he's the biggest dude I've ever seen in my entire life I swear to God he's like 610 yeah might even be seven b612 like insanely big like body build like bodybuilder size Arnold yeah and he's that times it's must wait 300 pounds of muscle it's crazy and you just crush your soul yeah I mean he just looks like he's bound to get casted and some yeah action movie not even action movie just something like Thrones or some shit where he's just like – has to play the mountain got it just like it just a freak got it I was yeah he's a free tell him that you should say it to your face do your fucking freak what's up free yo freak show what's good bro get the rose enough oh shit I know the circus pulled out today where's your fucking girlfriend with a moustache homie yeah what's up with that where's your mom with the beard full big-ass dumb ass over here Greek weirdo the fuck they make you in dog die-cast metal full you come out of a fucking chrome shop dog what are you made of what special effects team put you together fucking shit thanos pulled up motherfucker where's your glove dog do the line do the line I am inevitable do it full do a line do it this is punching his thigh do it man come on come on you big stupid free just starts crying just fucking this we're just insanely insecure knew you were a pussy come spot me please just start repping out 85 on bench so I like I started working out again I'm like tying in cardio actually fucking cart it feels great yeah makes you feel really good yeah I've slept on that forever yeah awesome it's awesome yeah so you know whatever I'm probably not gonna gain weight as fast but you do you do you still do yeah I know is it you know you can't awful 15 minutes a cardio like you're not burning that many calories maybe a hundred yeah if you're what are you doing walking no running yeah it's like like light jogging for now I just did endurance yeah but anyway I just what cuz people like like if you put the treadmill on the max incline and then walk uh-huh it's a good way to like burn your do cardio without like burning too many calories Oh word not burns fat okay not yes I don't know I like the feeling of like like running and like getting into it yeah like that little my sprint but I was laughing because I was just working out the gym in my apartment and it's a waste don't get out very high so I figured like two dumbbells and I'm pressing them and I started talking I'm like oh shit I'm glad I didn't go to like the big gym today I need a few days like get back up because that's gonna be me like get on bitch put a fucking 95 like a pussy you're too worried about that shit no one gives a no no would I give a fuck no one gives a fuck but like they're like old ass 80 year old dudes that go to Gold's yeah and sit there in like jeans and I mean yeah and like lift like 2 pound weights past the point of giving a fuck you know I'm still that's giving a shit that's true that's true just like I just a mental thing ya can't go in there if I want to do 85 it's got to look like solid rep but okay it's got good form yeah you probably put up a little more yeah but that first day back that we're still a little suss so that's what I'm saying you're thinking about it from someone else's perspective of watching you nobody's looking at you know everyone's looking no they're not no when I think somebody goes oh oh he's got pretty good for now when I got when I go to the gym I think literally everyone turns their neck like Agent Smith from the actress if mr. Anderson what are you doing here welcome back you don't belong here I see you've gotten a little smaller I've laid out the bench for you yeah I don't know man yeah I get I get weird about that shit yeah I'm a tiny man dude so I care I care when I'm in the gym yeah but nobody else does I know but everyone's too busy listening to look dude just a few days I'll stop caring but it's always that first few days yeah where my or my form is suss mm-hmm that's where I feel insecure you think people do that's a thing you think people give a shit about form they don't I know yeah they gave us maybe they give a shit about how you look maybe okay maybe they give a shit about how look my how much weight you're lifting I just want it's a lot I think I'm I'm insecure about it because I get judgmental if people who do weird shit in the gym I'm talking about like people who like okay good point dude brother some of the podcast where this old guy who goes in there yeah every time does lat pull-downs he's like borderline like that old like Instagram video of that dude like yanking 300 pounds and I used like walking the Machine you know what I'm saying like you like he pulls it he's like gripping his feet to the floor inches he's borderline they're like he is like gonna snap his neck and like there's so much effort to get it to his chest and the weight like pulls him up so it's always like I'm just afraid you know but that's like I'm afraid I'm gonna look like that to somebody see the thing is I always see that shit like they know some I don't like some trainer some trainer along the way told them to do that because it works some weird muscle or something like oh you want the weight to pick you up and throw you're doing good yeah no you want the way to look like it's shaking their hand violently you want to have airtime on the end of this my fucking whenever like I what's funny about that gym is like it's in like a business complex so like you'll occasionally get the dude who's like used to workout and it's trying to get back into it on his lunch break and like y'all it always does he sticks out dude like he's got like a shirt with a little bit of the belly sweat like pre-stain it's just stuck on there okay these got workout gloves from high school he's got basketball shorts okay that's all he's ileft from college maybe okay and it's him and his buddy it's all it's just the weirdest thing and then they're always talking about work and they always like go to go to the bench and I remember specifically two guys one of them's like the what you want me is like put forty fives on there he's like you sure and I'm like Oh bud says you sure I think that's a good sign mate you step at that he's like yeah yeah I got it he throw it up there dude kids it up his right arm gives out immediately it's just like clink and his buddy like rushes to grab it and I'm staring at the shit like I'm about to jump in but like the dude catches it he gets up and he's like like feeling his arm on my oh you fucks her shit up and he's like maybe a little lighter no maybe a little lighter I'm like okay that's like the extreme version of me though I see a bit of me and him I'm like that's what I'd do I'd be like I could do 205 just throw on no like I think like maybe he I don't know maybe like 16 year old me what it did that yeah yeah you know saying and so insecure go all the other way with that yeah fuck it 215 yeah yeah oh my god just waiting he said he could do it yes go get it up no you're denying help take it off your neck I start bleeding alright you eventually go to the hospital your neck is stuck like that permanently I don't like it how'd you like what happened to that guy Savoy is like tanners later in the gym yeah that guy's like his neck is like what's wrong with it you hear them from earshot and you walk over you're like but now that's like meatball yeah I don't know you're probably right it shouldn't give a shit about stomach oh man nah you got to be around people who are fucking big there's some inspirational shit I don't know I don't get inspired by that I don't know yeah I think we've talked about this before yeah it's kind of funny though just like sitting like just cracking hurt like turning your head laughs like do your fucking huge he's like what I want to be you okay cool man you don't even ask him his name you just keep staring ya watchin ya you're my old dog just creeping them out in the gym just staring he doesn't you goes and grabs a curl bar you just go right but like 10 percent of the way yeah yeah burns doesn't happy oh if he's some good fucking maybe good Nelkin there right there a good one I want to be you it's just like super innocent yeah I want to lift like you though bro yeah every machine yeah that work in cool men I just I like your body not like that I just like I want to have it you know saying so funny to do like ask to working on every single exercise and try to do the same way he does fail the next thing come again okay you got to spot me for this one yeah got it yeah totally yeah yeah you did a little bit better but I think that's fine the time I didn't fucking yeah that's fine I mean it I know so we just did a video with milk and do we you got to take a break for the ads yes all right let's take a good let's take a break what's up everybody today we want to thank stitch fix our our homies if you don't know what stitch fix is let me ask you something okay describe your style in one word what is it casual sophisticated high beast-type beast-type full sexy however you dress stitch fix has expert personal stylists that can help you look your best personal style is a fingerprint everyone has their own whatever your style the expert stylist at stitch fix are ready to help you express yourself okay not all clothes are fit for all men with stitch fix your personal stylist will send you clothing that makes you look your best less one size fits all more this fits your style okay stitch fix is an online 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undies personally and they're great because they're so soft they make Bob Ross's voice sound like Gilbert Godfried imagine Godfrey don't you laugh at that one every time you laugh at that one every time imagine gilbert godfree's voice on your balls that doesn't sound great very good and me undies is way softer than that so they use the coveted micro modal fabric which is a full three times softer than cotton take your take the softness of your cotton and multiply that by three imagine how that feels my undies has a great offer for our listeners right now for any first-time purchasers when you when you buy enemy undies you get 15% off and free shipping get 15% off a pair of the most comfortable undies you will ever put on and you just go to my undies calm TMG that's me undies dot-com / TMG and get that experience bob ross on your taint and we're back yeah shooting with milk that was did we talk about that we didn't talk about that we didn't talk about that yet I have one more gym story oh go for it I um I had like a creepy I don't know I had some creepy shit happen to me the gym no way yeah I mean I kind of I don't know oh wait yeah I I kind of got like a little taste of what it was like to be a girl the gym you know dudes are just ruthlessly hitting on girls at the gym yeah I mean I hit on that creep I don't know I don't know I don't know if it what I don't know cake it was mmm big trainer Jack dude yeah huge bony older guy that always says hi to me and so I've always said you know so it made me feel kind of like you know cool I'm one of the one of the guys now at Gold's Gym it says hi like a like what's good and he'll like that me up word how did you guys meet what machine was it no I mean like he just started saying hi to me I would just walk by I mean I go what's up dude like he's always there and he always sees me so big what's up dude what's up dude cool cool cool what's up what's up right every day you know every time I'm there basically okay and so you know I see him again I'm like yeah what's up dude and I go to start doing like lat pull-downs wherever I have my earphones down with blasting music he comes up behind me and like like like tickles me like pokes me right here like mid-set – and I thought he was like fixing my form so I I like drop the thing I take my earphone out I turn around I'm like what's up and he's standing like right behind me like like just with his fingers on the side of my thing and he's like what are your plans for the weekend and I'm like bro wait what do you mean you don't know what do you don't know I could like it dude I think the people there are so like just like that could be a normal interaction for for what fucking bodybuilders fuck calm I don't want to paint this as some like weird like like that's pretty fucking situation if it was just totally innocent I just fucking misread the whole thing I don't know I don't know man I don't I don't know if I've ever jokingly ran up to a dude I've seen it the gym tackled him and said what are your plans for the week just like poke poke me in the sides and I was like what's it out and I'm like what's and he's like right here what are you plans for the week I'm like nothing just chilling is like just enjoying the holiday weekend I'm like yeah he's like cool cool he just like walks away and I was like I cut my shit I went to the other side of the gym man I was like I bet you girls get that shit all the time man which is fucked up fucked up cuz sexual assault right there I knows crazy damn bruh you got yeah and I Sam and then we're always like you gotta come to Gold's man I'm never going the Gold's I'm never going to Gold I don't know I don't know man that's just how I ride the situation I might have might have been innocent but I don't know I understand don't think you should touch other people at the gym yeah I understand like if you if you're actually boys and you're doing like some gay chicken shit we're like you walk up to your homie that you've known for a while and you like swipe your hand on this lower back or whatever but what the fuck and you're like that it was good dog like what are your plans but to a dude you've never had a conversation with homie yeah you've never talked to that yeah yeah yeah that's a compliment don't you mr. Duncan that you do a good work exactly he's I'm alive he's like oh shit I can't wait to bend this little man over and Optus he straight-up tackled you only sit hi my name's uh my name's Frank I'm 27 and I got my first gym table the other day that's that's unfortunate Frank how'd it happen well you know I was uh I was just I was on that abductor machine and I thought you know I get a little extra working on my mice on my abs and then this huge like freak show motherfucker walks over he's like 7 feet tall he comes up to me and I've got my headphones in I got my eyes closed cuz you know I'm just kind of working through the pain and then I feel like just I know strong I hear I hear in my ear which is a real soft go jeez did you go I'm like what was this silly boy I start laughing and start chuckling and he thinks I'm enjoying it and I don't like no stuff stop and so like he keeps tickling me and then he wraps you wraps his big freakshow hands around my stomach and I spaz out of my yeah what are you doing and he goes what are you oh sorry man what are your plans for the weekend just enjoying all that cool cool yeah for sure I read it like some story on relationship advice it was like some shit like that but dude one all the way what I mean he was like it was like the title is like um it starts with I'm not gay but I immediately start laughing I'm like okay where is this going like that's like some dude who goes to the gym and basically he met a guy there and they would just work out together and he's like I think he likes me and I can't tell but then like something like yet he updated the post that then cuz I had seen it like some days after and he was like hehe asked me out and I said yes and all the comments were like yeah like that's cool man but I don't think you can't say you're not gay anymore which is fine yeah it's all good go on a date with him but a dude was like yeah I guess so I'm like what is that yeah but what was he like I don't know if it's like a man friend day or if it's like a no no cuz again his story to do was like you want to hang out this weekend he was like are you asking me out on a date he said would it be wrong if I was and he was like no not at all so it's like okay yeah you want to smash vipers well yeah yeah you wanna smell yeah you want strike Vipers on a strike Vipers there's the new way to do in the gym what's up bro you wanna strike Vipers this weekend yeah yeah yeah let's do it just like guy just like that oh yeah this weekend yeah I strike Vipers at Frank this weekend I was fucking sick dude dude's huge man great tits to be cups at least I'll just laughing after I read that story fucking this is like good segue into that let's just have it at the gym like you just get so sometimes you just get gym tackled no no no I mean like this like these bodybuilder dudes they become so obsessed with physique it's just like they just become gay oh we actually know there's that fucking there's that um I don't know if it's from 4chan or like the reddit Fitness of reddit but it's like the gay scale for like bodybuilding yeah it I don't know is there one there's like some meme or something he has like some copy postures I thought I forget like it's where there's like some meme yeah about the more like you work out you like definitely go gay because you get like turned on by yourself yeah yeah yeah yeah I did see how that would happen yeah it just gets so deep in it yeah yeah it fuck this guy yeah that's my ideal body right there I want to be no it's just like some avatar shit when they enter each other they get to be the other guy so that's how they go to the gym you puts it in his ass and he becomes the other dude and he starts working out as the other guy I know there's like at least 10 people right now like this is Jim just Jim thing that's just Jim tickles yeah just let me make that Instagram account Jim tickle tickles yeah and the Jim tickler he's still out there yeah yeah yeah girls must get that shit all the time yeah I should especially at Gold's man yeah but yeah I believe man dude was just so uncomfortable seeing that shit people feel like some girls like mid-set and some dude just like tries like thinks that that's the time oh never the time but they think that's the time made fuckin thing so we're you like to come here you're fuckin shit and they're like me what what sorry what in there like listen you know they got to take their shit out sorry what what did you say I would just say you fucking sandwich and I noticed you eating the thing was that good protein bar or what's up with the yeah it's pretty good sure cool yeah my name is Derek by the way cereal see you around this is the awkward like nerd like go go yeah yeah or just like hey excuse me yeah what's up you're are you using that some points to some shit yeah 10 feet and the other what are you did thing using the kettle ball no I'm know what I'm not even close okay cool what's your name by the way oh cool I'm Justin so he gives her a little tickle yeah it amazed at this point and she's not taking she's like it keeps going you're not ticklish yeah what was wrong you know everyone's ticklish a little bit like wow get up breaking out no more please what what get the fuck off come on you gotta be a little big gotta be a little bit let's fuck is the what stop it get the fine everyone's everyone's a little bit we're stopping you so fuck out of here dude she's Casey fraying that let me try a spot where you spot come on come on let me just let me let me try one more let me try one more has some fucking awkward as shit dude because even awkward like because I know like couple dudes I go to my jamming and one of them he like he knows about us I think Ulysses the podcast and stuff and super cool dude but it's like it's always a little awkward even talking to someone you know cuz like they're working on you like yo and like they meant just may not it's always like no huh oh what's up dog yeah good to see it yeah that moment is always a little weird yeah you just do it to a fucking total stranger it so I just makes me so uncomfortable yeah I hate that shit so much to me feel even like when people like like ever that my other second least favorite is when a dude is trying to hit on a girl in a fucking when you're all waiting for like takeout or like a place like the habit or something and likes like nine people standing around with like whatever mm-hmm dudes like this place guys take so long hey girly huh you guys it takes forever yeah yeah I don't eat here that often I eat here all the time yeah that's wow that's so good you gotta try the chicken steak it's like I'm I'm a vegetarian oh yeah I tried that for like a month I couldn't do it it couldn't last what do you work what yeah like what building like where do you work what do I work over there it's not weird now cuz I told you where I work yeah I'm like a spin instructor at the plate oh yeah I tried that for a month – I couldn't go and wake up early well what class do you teach that's crazy I want to take in your class do you still teach there oh shit maybe I'll take another class maybe I'll come check your nose then that's cool yeah I'm Justin yeah cool cool anyways this place always takes so long what's your number if know like your receipt no sorry if you're my girlfriend so I call you my chicken Sammy Samantha's sick by the way Instagram is Justin lifts yeah yeah so hit me up dude you know what's another awkward ass place where dudes trying to pick up bars whatever I don't hate that tighters oh yeah do try that shit that she's always fucking strange hey you know what you know what the fuck is creepy when I when I worked it like Best Buy and shit like dudes who would just come in repeat to try to like break the ice with like a cashier subshell really yeah that was fucking spunky too damn weird damn weird yeah that's why dating apps are good yeah cuz it just it just eliminates the need to do any of that shit yeah yeah just yeah and then you can immediately find out it was a creep based on the chat yeah exactly and it's like you don't have to actually like face the person at least you know a little something about them yeah instead of just cold opening to someone random who the only the only thing you have in in what something that we go the only thing that you have in common is the fact that you're both that fucking habit or whatever yes yeah yeah sorry this is just really pod to my head but going on tinder and then like halfway through getting someone acting like it's a twitch chat thank you for the bits like there's spamming memes and shit like a thousand miles an hour twitch emotes and pocketers pokers boggers Paw Paw Paw Paw Paw Paw Paw Paw Paw Paw Paw Paw Paw Paw Paw five hug subscribed for three months yeah put the bits emote I put a bit I put giving you bits 500 bits of this thousand bits I love it thousand bits anyway I've never had to use one of those what dating app oh yeah I never had to use one yeah I don't know what our what our ad reads were for this episode but if it was hinged just be a great place replug them yeah maybe were we at the time I don't know I didn't did almost ten no yeah no no no talk to him for a second I'll figure it out I had some my fucking wanted to say it was about oh is about Costa Rica maybe I don't know I went to Costa Rica for four days and it was pretty fun Tamarindo is where I went and it's a good place pretty touristy though like a lot of Americans go there a lot of expats tons of fans there actually shout out to all the fans I met in Tamarindo but a lot of like teenage American boys that are just that's lived there for some reason oh I'm guessing cuz their dad's an expat or something yeah um I don't think so I don't know I don't know if they're I think you just lived there we were like what are you doing here you guys vacationing here I know like no we live here Oh like pull up fam it's Linnaean tamarind oh it's absolutely it's a movie here never in doubt personally I straight up everyday yeah movie r-rated that's funny every single one I met they go yo yo low-key though I'm like yeah okay they're like yo you're a cyberbully you come here a bunch of cyberweapons dog actually funny a story you were hacking this guy's bank account hack you might yeah I was sniffing you know cafe yeah no I was we were sitting Kobe and I were sitting at this restaurant and it was like post surf so we're like just sitting there just tired as fuck yeah both kind of zoned out yeah and all of a sudden we just hear this giant like body slap on the ground right beside us and we're like what the fuck and we look over and this probably eighty pound iguana had fallen through the straw roof and just split and he was like he just like landed and like like flipped up to his feet and just like tried to play it off like never happens dude there for a second kind of behind us he's like these years that you guys like crazy you guys like come on fool we know we saw come on in stop playing Ave wasn't you look at the fucking ceiling dog who is who just you telling me that hole came out of nowhere and you're just coincidentally you're right under the hole he's like dude what the whole time like just like you I said what up to you when you got in these scissors back in a way slowly did you just so I kind of like backed away it was like I'll see you guys later I've been here for a minute so I'm gonna I'm gonna get out your musket at all so just leave the strong on the ground fucking funny dude yeah I would go like wanna dude st. a similar thing in Thailand Alina and I had stayed there we kind of like we kind of stayed a little too long just we wanted to go home or whatever and like the bugs were getting to Elena she's like god damn it that's fucking mosquitoes if I get nailed by one more I'm like eh oh sure she goes like then she says she's like what if I get fucking bitten by a snake next I'm like might ain't no fucking snakes here I'll go by the beach it's like populated there ain't no snakes here within minutes of that dip a fucking snake falls out of a tree right next to her feet she goes and it goes oh my god yeah I like whatever runs away and she just turns and looks at me and I'm like alright maybe there's snakes here I was there was like this wooden bridge leading back to our place yeah janky-ass bridge like half the wooden planks were broken in half and just it and it's over top of a swamp where there's crocodiles sick so every time we're like you know navigating this bridge and one of the times we go we're going back and there's like a group of three people in front and this stopped and I'm like oh fuck is there a croc I'm looking around and I'm like I'm asking you like what's up what's what's going on they go oh there's a snake right here on the was on the fucking arm of the bridge oh so I'm like damn that's crazy but I don't want to look at it I just want to like beeline past it yes I'm like excuse me and I'm like I just like move past and I just beeline past the snake and I'm like oh man and the guy just goes I thought I was gonna die for a second he's just like that's whole family's laughing I'm like fuck you lose a dad yeah always you felt like a bitch instantly right there oh right on cue right on cue wow if we came in later we would have been fucked yeah absolutely thank god this is not gonna be an issue we got a brand new fuck yeah it's moving inside it's so it's gonna be so fired yeah it's sick we have to run like another 10 min we're on the night we're on the 19 yard line okay um I don't know how we're gonna do we'll just you know whatever yeah will this play out town tanto is cool those there's a good place you ever been to Costa Rica nah it's cool it's a straight-up rainforest it's a straight up raining pouring rain forest you know the rain forest cafe yeah it's like that looks like that real yeah no it's it's really cool it's a cool place and I don't know if the crocodile thing was sketchy as fuck yeah cuz like all the good surf is like right in front of like river mouths so where the river meets the ocean okay and we're like doo doo and crocodiles are in the river so were like to ever like swim out to the ocean and they're like oh yeah oh yeah we still in the ocean all the time for attack people and like they don't have a reason to attack people but this one dude that was driving the boat that we were on one day he was like yeah there's been one there's been like one or two deaths in the past like however many years from crocodile attacks is that yeah this one kid was just surfing and his croc came up and just one bite it right out his like and hit his artery he's just fucking bled out on the beach we're like what yeah yeah but you know it's just like this is local shit yeah whatever man yeah it could happen to you yeah or it could not yeah you just don't know take the chance it's whatever yeah we would surf I hear we're fine I love all those videos of like old guys trying to fucking tame crocodiles why this hey Florida I guess there's some Florida shit yeah something to do in Florida I'm a genome let me get this Gator man I've been out of the gym for a week I'm already looking smaller yeah I see it dissipate oh I had I had my MRI dude Oh how'd it go that shit MRI stands for mostly reasonable intellectual okay cool musty Riesling yeah my suggestion yeah musty recently ingestion sipping some real old yelling yes mostly reckless intuition mm-hmm like that yeah yeah I mean I talked a little bit about this on stream but they fucking that shit gets hot dude in the MRI yeah really I didn't think you could get that ha but it get kind of hot so what did it show you get the results back yet it's gonna take me like like two days or something they'll tell me if my nerve has fucked up okay like you know I'd say that diem shouts at a dude I know you're just trying to be nice but it scared the fuck out of him very comforting diem basically homey told me that he had a slip disc or something and he had a pinched nerve and 70% of the muscles on the right side of his body atrophied and he doesn't have the pain anymore but the damage is like irreversible so oh so maybe he was referring just to the damage to his nerve but I interpreted that as what that means that I don't think that I think that means you'll never get the strength back yes that's what I interpreted that as right I think that's what he was saying that's scared the fucking shit out of ya cuz I get like weird like strain when I like lift my arms and stuff and I'm like oh fuck dude am I like my muscles disappearing but then I went and like rapped out some decent weight so I'm like I'm probably fine in the gym one time yeah wrap out some weight yeah no I mean I definitely I threw the weight of them like okay it's not like hard yeah you know yeah this is crazy we are in the back of a club right now what sounds like two guys pissing in it talking at the urinal mm-hmm I'm talking in line at the shitter yeah what's up hey you doing bro good did you fucking smash boy I gotta take a fucking shit fuck you talk about club shits before you're at a gnarly club shit know that probably I did I've had wobbly I had one where like I was pretty fucking drunk and I had to dump so bad and it was it was it like some fucking shit in gas lamp I don't know what the club was it was like it was a smaller club nothing that like a lot of people it probably is like just a space that like a promoter run shit out of like there was no logo on the shit anyway this bathroom was weirdly big there were a bunch of urinals and then the door to the shitter like the way the engineers like just didn't care to make the doors meet or the cracks meet on anything okay and so it's just and then like the the door was hella small it's like if someone tall was like peeing next to me they could definitely see me taking a shit mhm like good nice bird's-eye view yeah and so I get in there and I get like I like get cold feet like I have to I feel that shit in my bowels but it's like not coming out and I'm just like drunk like just trying to psych myself up like come on just let it go man just get that Dookie oh come on loosen saw this shit out of here literally place happy place yeah and so you know after like a few minutes I let it rip and then um you know I didn't think past I'd even bother to look there was like maybe I don't know 14 turds no pieces of toilet paper okay so I got a very carefully yeah yeah about 14 pairs shits in there tons of shit in there oh my oh wow that's crazy no wonder my butt's all brown and so I'm having to like maneuver this TP like real bad and I like you know I'm I get out of there clean a swift I feel amazing I just started looking at some of these dudes in line and I felt like a few of them were like kind of like like almost prepping for the dive and I'm just like sorry brother in there I hope you I hope you make it was like the one guy remember specifically the kind of like leaned up against the wall wasn't like grabbing his stomach but he just had like a winch on his face I'm like that dude's got a Dookie yeah just did some coke probably just clean them out got really got a Disney is right now we fucking you got a gut we have to do the reason then you got to fucking go no we won't make the time though what do you mean we will dude it was 32 when I said let's take a break no I just checked it's only like it was only 49 no way you're lying yes way no you're lying yes way I know you're lying no I'm not dude I'm actually not I'm hungry she is fuck – I'm dying fuck is going on man I mean we gotta go meet the broski let me text back get back into it you know you know vacations just throw you off everything yeah and uh we were working out because we were surfing but it was just like eating and drinking whatever the fuck we wanted at whatever hour of the day so now I'm like my stomach has expanded again yeah and I'm trying to get back into fasting and it's just miserable at first like three four days something like that yeah this is fucking crazy can I read this shit okay yeah I follow the guy that started telegram Durov okay he has a telegram channel I can just follow oh really then he'll just send messages out every once in a while with like up good updates about like ham and telegram he's like an interesting guy he's I'm pretty sure this is the guy started VK as well which is like the Russian Facebook okay super rich dude and he's still like really involved in telegram okay so he says those of you who follow my posts know that I'm a big believer in self-restraint in the last 15 years I've had no alcohol no caffeine no meat no pills and no fast food health-wise it brought good results I only had a fever once in the last 15 years typically I just don't get ill a year ago I added more restrictions to my diet no gluten no dairy no eggs no fructose I did it to achieve higher productivity and clarity of thought as well as to Train willpower and self-discipline another technique I employ to improve willpower is swimming in ice-cold water every winter in Finland or Switzerland if you ever if you ever faced the necessity to stay in a lake with a thin layer of ice on top for a few minutes you are less likely be less likely to procrastinate when it comes to starting on a boring but necessary project in May I limited the foods I eat to fish and seafood only in case you have daily access to fresh wild caught fish it can definitely reckon definitely recommend this diet for boosting productivity bubble and he goes on to say like you know our ancestors ate fish only Beauvoir this month I'm trying something more radical with consuming no food at all I've been on a water fast for the last six days and I'm feeling great so far since zero food consumption improves clarity of thought I also got many things done on the product management side fasting is a great way to blah blah blah that's why most religions have a tradition of fasting it's healthy and necessary both for the body and for the mind obviously I might lose some muscle mass as a result but I believe that if I manage to come up with a new great ideas for Telegram during the fast it will be beneficial for all of the millions of Telegram what the fuck dude that it has to be fake dude what is like satire isn't it yeah this month I'm trying even something even more radical I'm going to die yeah I think it'll be worth it if I if I come back if someone I have a doctor revive me and if I come back with new ideas for Telegram it'll be worth it for all the millions of users yeah they'll hit him with the fucking the the what is it the battery terminals on his chest oh we should add editing old messages what fuck yeah sorry genius yeah there it is that's what we were looking for that's fucking crazy man that level of self-restraint I imagine that I used to practice shit like that when I was deep on my fucking Eastern philosophy it's gotta be it's gotta be good for you I mean I don't know about eating not eating for a month that's crazy I've heard no people some people will not eat they'll do a week-long fast at the beginning of every month yeah and then eat whatever the fuck they want for the remaining three weeks because the calories they don't eat for a whole week basically offsets anything they could ever put back in their body weird which is pretty crazy about a month dude that's insane that's fucking insane yeah this this beat is insane yeah this is this is sick we should do a song about fasting for a month yeah um they don't need no food no don't need no water I'm hungry as fuck I want a sandwich yeah yeah it's nice to shit like that it was very um it was tough I mean I I agree in that like when I would do shit like that it would I felt like I was I don't know reinforcing yeah like strengthening my willpower and I felt like I was able to like definitely like push through like shit and like there's no such thing like pain is not real you know I think yeah is this weird shit like that and yeah you definitely you definitely feel better and it does like create that sort of I don't know it's like separating what like what actual pain is and like what your brain is just telling you what hurts if that makes sense yeah yeah hopefully I don't know it so that is actually funny because I'm like so I'm planning to start up to this Muay Thai gym with my friend's brother I was like texting I don't like alright man it's like my plan is like I want to hit the gym like more Thai like once or twice a week and then like I want to wait train in between I'm like should I wait train a certain way so like when I go to like you know to the to Train white I like I won't like I want to be successful at that and he was just like cuz bro unless you are training ten hours a day your body will do it with hurt like hurt you just need to train your mind to like push through it yeah I'm like yes but that's also like such some like MMA cuz he's fought MMA for a few years like that it just looks like some fighter mentality shit no such thing is pain dawg you got to push through it and I like and I know it sounds like a cliche but I don't like when they say shit like that but I started thinking about it more like you know you ever like hit a bag like you were like you know like even if you like you hit a bag like like wrong or weird like you get like like galena took a boxing class like she hit the bag kind of funny like her wrist was hurting and like I've hit a bag here and there like I've felt shit low a bag I'll fucking blow it back yeah fuck it I never felt a bag store I'm flow a fucking bag but just it makes me think like I've said this before but in some way but I was just thinking again like when you're like locked in a cage and you're fighting some dude he wants to fucking kill you and like you had like a moment where you're like oh I got like no energy left like fucking Anthony Joshua when he got knocked out by Andy but that moment must have been like god dammit like he's thinking about all the repercussions of giving up like that is some shit where you're I don't know you have to have insane willpower in those times just do that yeah I mean that's like it's like marathon right yeah yeah it's all like athletics and in general but except um except basketball mm-hmm there's no pain in basketball that game last night it was great do you watch it no I just looked at the score we were playing uno on stream oh yeah right how is that I can't wait for everyone to be like doors pane in a basketball said that to piss people off yeah fucking klay Thompson and louny they're faking it fucking pussies dude yeah I mean well half the Warriors are hurt so probably the Raptors will take it you're made me nervous why that you're not leaving no Spock's gonna go oh really yeah yes Spock's going ok ok fine yeah this stop fucking nervous I am about time yeah I'm like I know your time I know your agenda yeah and it's making me nervous yeah I'm on CP time baby are you gonna head there anyways yeah ok ok yeah yeah this box is gonna meet him ahead of me ok cool that's LA dog everyone's late except you was an hour early that's motherfucker I'm like getting in my car hi getting ready to go and he's like I'm here on time ass it's crazy because I'm thinking about how this morning when I got that message from deriv yeah I was then my stomach my stomach feels like my stomach hurts I want a banana so bad tummy hurts and then I got that message I was like I haven't eaten for nine days it's been only water and I'm laser-focus yeah yeah that's me like pre-shows grumble pretty sure I've like all these stupid rituals mm-hmm I can't be full but I can't be not hungry to be right in the middle what's up sorry I got a text massage there we go okay I think we got a dim all right guys love you I'm eat or calm and tpod calm merch we are shooting a special video tomorrow yes we are that one's gonna isn't it's gonna be fun so to close striking Vipers pull your fucking mind man blow your mind blow your mind did and yeah well folk a new song on Friday yeah oh yeah what the fuck yeah that's like the most important I got a new song what it was today say Thursday tonight tomorrow tonight shit tonight 9:00 p.m. and then music video mañana yep all right so see you there or see you on a square see you there see you in the circle yun circle there bye guys see you guys

49 Comments

  1. i literally laughed so hard i almost threw up so thats fun

  2. DO THE ELMO VOICE MORE

  3. Who knows where to get Noel’s sweatshirt tho?

  4. Magnetic Resonance Imaging

  5. Noels reaction 59:49

  6. The Black Mirror spoiler ends at 7:55

  7. "The student film version of call me by your name" SDKDSDSDKSD THERE WAS TRULY NO NEED

  8. Why the fuck do you guys sound gremlins

  9. At what point does his " self-restraint" become indulgent, and he needs to restrain himself from that?🤔🤔🧐

  10. 90% of our lives in underwear huh? I don't like that statistic going to have to go commando for at least 50% of my life

  11. Cody’s cup praying every week to not fall off that ledge.

  12. 42:50 im ashamed to say that i spit game like this😂😂

  13. Amber has a redemption arc in the week man

  14. Don’t discriminate, guys can be girl gamers too 😂

  15. You should do that “I want to be you” sketch with Bradley martyn

  16. smoked a blunt and sat for 1hr 9mins just trying to imagine full size people sat in those chairs

  17. two short feminist kings

  18. As a female that’s exactly why I don’t go to the gym alone

  19. this is one of the funniest episode omg

  20. Why does Cody always have nothing in his cup 🤣

  21. MRI, moist rectum intercourse

  22. i don't think cody's up to date on the love island eps the part of me that couldn't stand amber is so dead after the past few episodes

  23. Cody almost got to play striking vipers

  24. 33:40 the way noel yelled "wdym you don't know?!" at cody at the end of the story is the funniest thing

  25. Does Cody have Starbucks every podcast?

  26. … when Cody talked about getting hit on it just reminded me of literally every single day I go outside

  27. The noises at 26:15 had my dying

  28. cody better watch that episode of black mirror so they can talk about it next pod

  29. I’ve never laughed as hard in my life as I laughed at the choking barbell lol holy shit

  30. when you wanna go to canada but you’re banned from going there 🤡

  31. The black mirror episode is like the skit you had when one of ur guy friends has a vagina

  32. The voices they were making about the guy getting crushed by the bench had me howling

  33. Tear your ACL then bitch

  34. I think the video they're talking about at one point is "Evolution of the Lifting Man" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kbSfFFEvxw

  35. sexual assault isn't funny but i also just laughed so fucking hard at "i got GYM TICKLED, man!"

  36. collab with nelk again plz

  37. Ok ok listen listen Canada’s cool and all but when’s the euro tour coming out cause like…I’m American af but abroad till January and I need to see a show…

  38. You guys should talk about the 46 + 2 theory

  39. you guys gotta do a collab with kenny beats for the next album

  40. 51:00 yall sound like sims flirting

  41. Every time Noel speaks on the podcast with the deep voice a girl wets her panties
    The only man capable of squaring off with Dre Drexler

  42. I think you should do a reaction video to striking vipers

  43. Cody pulled up to supreme, dropped some green and balled out bitch

  44. i’m so dead because noel was explaining the episode so good 😂

  45. Another awkward place to hit on a girl: in her LINKEDIN DMs! At least use Instagram. Or Twitter. Or Facebook. Or fax. Literally anywhere but LinkedIn.

  46. cody lookin like he’s working the starbucks drive thru

  47. 35:42 i got distracted by whatever the hell noel was doing to that chair

  48. “bend this little man over” made me cry lmaooooo I love you guys

  49. I shot in the club girls bathroom just a normal in the bowl solid, well some girls complained that I took a shit while they were taking pics and I was asked to leave by security lol

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