At This Point in the Broadcast: The Gym



-If I may,
before we move on in the show, there's something
that's been bothering me that I need to get off my chest. I went for a run the other day.
It started to rain. So, I popped into my gym
to use the treadmill. But all the treadmills
were occupied. So, I had to use
one of those elliptical machines where you're not even
really running. And I'm sorry, but I have to say
this, the gym sucks ass. -At this point in the broadcast, Seth launched into a
60-second obscenity-laden tirade about gyms and how,
in his opinion, they all suck boatloads of ass. Network policy prevents us
from broadcasting his comments but due to a technical issue
we are forced to air this portion of the show. In short,
Seth believes that gyms are germ-soaked stench factories
and have somehow managed to con normal,
hardworking people into thinking that their body
should look like a Ford F-150. At this point,
Seth threatened that if he sees one more person
in Lululemon, he's going to stuff so many
Lululemons down their throat that they [Bleep] a
Lululemon tree. And piss Lululemonade. He then accused medicine balls
of being a scam. Asking, how come
if they're medicine, I always get sick
when I eat them? Seth then opined
that treadmills and elliptical machines
are barbaric. And declared
that he will never run in place because he is
"not a [Bleep] hamster." At which point his guitar player
Marnie said, "Then why do you have that
hamster bottle filled with water
next to your desk?" To which Seth replied,
"It's not a hamster bottle. It's a TV-host bottle. And it's not filled with water,
it's filled with gin." Seth then pulled over a hamster
bottle and proceeded to take a long drink. [ Cheers and applause ] At this point Seth motioned to
the camera to come closer to that he could confess
a secret. He then admitted that the reason
he hated gyms so much was because
when he was in high school, a gym stole his girlfriend
and took her to prom. At this point,
Seth's stage manager, Tom said, "Are you sure that it wasn't
just a guy named Jim?" At which point Seth made a
facial expression that seemed to convey
that he was realizing for the first time that it was
a guy named Jim, but being too embarrassed,
to admit that was what happened, he doubled down and replied,
"No, it was a gym." To which Tom replied,
"Really? A physical building
filled with exercise equipment stole your girlfriend?" To which Seth replied,
"Let it go, Tom." Then,
a sudden emotional shift, Seth furiously threatened
that if one more person lectured him on
the importance of stretching, he was going to strangle them. Adding, "If I need to stretch,
I know how to do it, watch." Then,
a loud ripping sound was heard as Seth pulled both of his legs
up next to his head in a display of flexibility that
seemed to surprise even him. "This is nothing to worry
about," he said, of the clearly worrisome thing. "It happens to everyone
sometimes." he said, of the thing
that happens to no one. Ever. "The legs are supposed to
do that. I'll just put some ice
on them later." He proposed of the medical
anomaly that likely caused severe and irreversible damage
to his body. NBC would like to ask viewers to
disregard Seth's opinions about the gym as they do not
reflect the network's position and do not make any sense. We now, resume our broadcast. -And the only thing that is
going to be swole is your ass when I stick my size
12 up inside it. Whoo-hoo-hoo! That felt good
to get off my chest.

31 Comments

  1. I love it. I just, love it.

  2. Thank you so much for posting this! Love Seth but had to keep rewinding this as I was laughing so hard I kept missing the next bit! Brilliant- one of the best I've ever seen from Seth and his team !!!

  3. are there any lip readers that can help here?

  4. Now you noticed. Buy your own Gym. No not Jim.

  5. Lovely hilarious weirdness!!!

  6. This is the kind of story we need right now.

  7. Not funny.

  8. Lmao

  9. This is soo bad…. No creativity left I guess

  10. oooh yay i haven't seen one of these in a while ! 🙂

  11. Gyms are the new night clubs!

  12. I prefer outdoor running too, Seth!!

  13. Man, those technical issues are really bad, not only forcing them to air the segment, but also upload it to their youtube channel. Must be a Windows 10 thing.

  14. This is the most Conan thing I've ever seen Seth do

  15. awesome!!!!!!

  16. Mmm, Seth M is one sexy satirist.

  17. Actually I really would’ve liked to of heardSeth’s tirade

  18. Bravo

  19. These ones don't happen often enough.

  20. Hahahahaha omg

  21. if you are trying to gauge how many people are protesting in hong kong, look at the toronto raptors victory parade footage. the city of toronto has no incentive to fudge attendance estimates. so that's what two million people in the streets looks like. wrap your mind around that, and then switch back to shots of hong kong.

  22. As a regular gym goer I can not only relate, I can verify. But I also go to destroy those germs with my own germs because ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVES!! WWWOOOOAAAAAHHHHH!!!

  23. Seth is built like a 12 year old boy. He’s not force feeding anyone anything. The only part of the gym that sucks is the locker room. It’s full of naked old guys.

  24. 💤💤💤

  25. "'this is nothing to worry about' he said of the clearly worrisome thing" is such a mood

  26. Just FYI: not the best idea.. Not sure why it went in prod

  27. After stealing Seth's girlfriend, Jim later went on to open up a gym, named Jim's Gym.

  28. Holding in my giggles at the dmv. I must look insane! 😂😂😂😂

  29. First Ya Burnt and now this. Seth really despizes ellipticals

  30. This was fun

  31. The Ford F-150 bit is true, tho

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